Structure! Writing in a four line structure would be easier on the eyes and making it easier see ideas develop.
If it's a song, make sure you have a melody to it with a four line per stanza. If it's poetry...make it shorter. I would never read any poetry that long. Even if it's a masterpiece. Ideally between 16ish and 40ish for poetry, you have over a hundred.
Plus also make it meaningful. It seems like you just thrown every thought possible into it. I would condense it by eliminating at least half of it. Also it would clean out the dreary lines. There are so many ways to make writing interesting, use exaggerations, subtle metaphors, wordplay, masterful vocabulary. A lot of this is direct, simple, and a little dull for me.
Good luck writing though, practice will only make you better.
|