My interpretation: The main character can't mentally touch his/her past, the terible things he/she has done. It followed him/her, not letting him/her forget, and he/she knew there was only so much time before his/her past came to kill. I got that from the first seven lines, I doubt I'm right but I thought it was pretty enough to give a shot. Things I can't understand:
"a hummingbird appeared the earth" - I don't know what that means which makes it hard for me to try and interprete this line:
"dissolved in the birds porcelain tear".
And this:
"i prayed to two barrren black suns
to free my lawless heart trapped
in the frozen brick sky i watched
the last flight of a bird hoping to die"
I don't know if it's "I prayed to two barren black suns to free my lawless heart trapped- (end of that idea and start of a new one)
"In the frozen brick sky I watched the last flight of a bird hoping to fly"
or if it's:
"I prayed to two barren black suns to free my lawless heart trapped In the frozen brick sky" Which admittibly would make less sense.
But it could also be:
"I prayed to two barren black suns to free my lawless heart trapped" (new thought)
"In the frozen brick sky I watched" (new thought)
"the last flight of a bird hoping to fly"
Maybe you could set it up like this:
"I prayed to two barren black suns
to free my lawless heart trapped-
In the frozen brick sky I watched-
The last flight of a bird hoping to fly"
OR
"I prayed to two barren black suns
to free my lawless heart trapped-
In the frozen brick sky I watched:
the last flight of a bird hoping to fly"
This would be the same as the one above:
I prayed to two barren black suns
to free my lawless heart trapped-
In the frozen brick sky I watched
the last flight of a bird hoping to fly" (capital letters can make a difference)
My thoughts: If it does mean something, I like your use of metaphor and diction. It was somewhat powerful. If it doesn't mean anything, I still liked you sense of connotation in the word you use. I would suggest looking up some poetic techniques for your next piece, in order to take it from where you are as far as literacy goes now to a high ground. I'm looking forward to your response and to see more of your work.
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