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Freebase Dali · 03-12-2009, 04:33 PM

Something is wrong with the 4th paragraph. Seems to be a totally different vibe from the rest of the writing.
The other paragraphs have a playful wisdom to them, which is inviting and contains a sense of humor and warmth regardless of circumstance.
The 4th, however, jumps far off the path and sticks out in a negative way.

I think this would be perfect if you gave that 4th paragraph the same tone as the others.

BUT, it kind of works well when analyzing what the words are actually saying in the 4th paragraph. The vibe reflects the revelation.
Still seems off though.

PS.
It's "fathom"

03-12-2009, 04:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
Freebase Dali Partying on the inside Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,584	Something is wrong with the 4th paragraph. Seems to be a totally different vibe from the rest of the writing. The other paragraphs have a playful wisdom to them, which is inviting and contains a sense of humor and warmth regardless of circumstance. The 4th, however, jumps far off the path and sticks out in a negative way. I think this would be perfect if you gave that 4th paragraph the same tone as the others. BUT, it kind of works well when analyzing what the words are actually saying in the 4th paragraph. The vibe reflects the revelation. Still seems off though. PS. It's "fathom"