i like the getting closer to death bit. however, i dont think your repetition does much to help the poem as it doesnt influence any certain idea over and over; it seems like it exists only to lull the poem into a rhythmical pattern and help with the flow. the flow is good, mind you, but try to keep it from becoming too tedious.
__________________
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.
|