You overuse a couple of words, drown to be one of them (even though it's the chorus). At least change the word drown (in the very second line) to something like deaden or stifle.
Also, if your looking at folk, you need to tell more in the way of a story. Your words are very, very general and are lacking the basic meaning and identity that makes a good folk song (emo or not). You've got your phrase, now decide-what really led you to say such a phrase. What's the story behind it. Are you supressed in the suburbs? Are your parents gone? Did your friends betray you? (obviously bipolar issues in this case) --tell a story that involves the issue. When you get to that point, it's always good to add some symbolism. Like 'Monkies on my back' means an addiction, a 'Giant' could represent insuppressable power, a stone (or immovable object), normally represents an unbeatable obstacle, a sandcastle represents a vulnerable lifestyle. etc. etc.
Your off to a great start, but it's way too vauge and at this point you haven't really said anything that really tells a story--no matter how cheesy it sounds at first, you'll be able to work it out soon. Don't worry.
peace,
-nick
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