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Old 04-22-2009, 06:39 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thnx, how are your lyrics goin?
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Old 05-06-2009, 06:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Petals In the Cradle

There’s a river by my bed
There’s a sun over my head

The shining light
Used to be
Something to make me happy

But now, I’m walking on this road,
Though many have walked it before
I’m not sure if I’m gonna make it
I don’t know if I’m gonna make it

Sleep with petals in the cradle
And watch the sun go down

The grey road is long and heartless
The grey road I have to walk on

I know
That you know
That we don’t know
I know
That you know
That we don’t know

Sleep with petals in the cradle
And watch the sun go down

Sleep with petals in the cradle
And watch the sun
And watch the sun
And watch the sun
go down

Everyone who walked this road
Before me
Found a splotch of color
And a light that was pretty, so pretty

Sleep with petals in the cradle
And watch the sun go down

Main Chord = 35**xx
(* is randomly included)

Last edited by Stone Birds; 06-20-2009 at 09:40 AM.
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Old 05-14-2009, 04:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Over the Hill

Save me today
Drown me tommorow

Find me
over the hill
drown me
in the light
save me
wherever i am

crisp grass Cut
the lawn is done
the oil spilled
on the grass

Find me
over the hill
drown me
in the light
save me
wherever i am

Power gone
soul crudely drawn
and i am
nothing

the only thing good
are the dreams
i don't remember

Find me
over the hill
drown me
in the light
save me
wherever i am
The title is kind of a cliche
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Old 05-15-2009, 06:49 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I probably need to fix this, oh yeah, the genre for this is "Emo-Folk" sounds weird, but i do have a weird problem. (Bipolar Disorder)
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Old 05-15-2009, 06:57 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Heroes (Download Included!!!)

Download "Heroes"

You can’t find them in comic books

You won’t see them in any movies

They aern’t in your video games

They’re right here all along

So long live our heroes, even if they die

Long live our heroes, even if they die

So long live our heroes, even if they die

Cause they’ll live forever in our hearts

In the tragedies they’ll be there

In the disasters they’ll be there

They will save your life

They are heroes just for you


And many of our heroes have made a sacrifice

So let’s sing some more just for them
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Old 05-15-2009, 03:03 PM   #16 (permalink)
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You overuse a couple of words, drown to be one of them (even though it's the chorus). At least change the word drown (in the very second line) to something like deaden or stifle.

Also, if your looking at folk, you need to tell more in the way of a story. Your words are very, very general and are lacking the basic meaning and identity that makes a good folk song (emo or not). You've got your phrase, now decide-what really led you to say such a phrase. What's the story behind it. Are you supressed in the suburbs? Are your parents gone? Did your friends betray you? (obviously bipolar issues in this case) --tell a story that involves the issue. When you get to that point, it's always good to add some symbolism. Like 'Monkies on my back' means an addiction, a 'Giant' could represent insuppressable power, a stone (or immovable object), normally represents an unbeatable obstacle, a sandcastle represents a vulnerable lifestyle. etc. etc.

Your off to a great start, but it's way too vauge and at this point you haven't really said anything that really tells a story--no matter how cheesy it sounds at first, you'll be able to work it out soon. Don't worry.

peace,
-nick
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Old 05-15-2009, 05:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
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wow your awesome hope ya get those 50 posts
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Stone Birds, your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.
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Old 05-16-2009, 05:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks toretorden
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:13 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Nicktarist: nice job on the critiquing, to the point, without being rude or degrading...Nice work.

Stone Birds: It's great to find other artists that love what they do. I'm interested to hear what emo folk sounds like???? Could be good stuff.
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Last edited by polyphonic; 05-17-2009 at 01:25 PM. Reason: momentary lapse of reason
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