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Old 05-18-2009, 01:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
Guybrush
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Scabb Island
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Grats on getting your own songwriting journal. If you wanna post any other songs, just do it in this thread!

Your song strikes me as incredibly teen angsty. It's like it's a message to your mom about how she's always treated your sister better and now you're so fed up with it you feel like cutting yourself. I can't relate to that and I can't say I like it .. But I'm trying to be constructive. How about using some metaphors or add a little more lyrical quality? You know, make something that would sound nice if you sung it or paint some pictures with your words.
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