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Old 05-18-2009, 01:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Georgia94's Songwriting Journal

need some help and advice on how to improve this song cause it is pretty crap right now
thanks x


Its All About Her


im trying to hold on to my life
but its so god damn hard right now
you dont make it any easier for me
cause all i ever hear you say is

why cant you be more like her
getting her straight A's
why cant you talk more like her
its i dont mind not i dont care
thats what she'd say
its all about her

im holding my feelings back
from you
i just want you to treat me the same
and love me the way i am
cause all i ever hear you say is

why cant you be more like her
getting her straight A's
why cant you talk more like her
its i dont mind not i dont care
thats what she'd say
its all about her
( x2 )
its all about her

Everyone says ive changed
i didnt see it at first
but now i realize thats why im alone
its cause ive changed
its cause ive changed
and i guess its made it worse
made my life worse

why cant you be more like her
getting her straight A's
why cant you talk more like her
its i dont mind not i dont care
thats what she'd say
its all about her

its all about her ( x4 )






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Old 05-18-2009, 01:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Not Bad,
you may want to read this: http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

is this song about your sister?
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Last edited by Stone Birds; 05-18-2009 at 01:39 PM.
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Old 05-18-2009, 01:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Grats on getting your own songwriting journal. If you wanna post any other songs, just do it in this thread!

Your song strikes me as incredibly teen angsty. It's like it's a message to your mom about how she's always treated your sister better and now you're so fed up with it you feel like cutting yourself. I can't relate to that and I can't say I like it .. But I'm trying to be constructive. How about using some metaphors or add a little more lyrical quality? You know, make something that would sound nice if you sung it or paint some pictures with your words.
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Old 05-18-2009, 01:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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That's kinda what i was thinking but without the long paragraph
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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thank you for the help guys
and yeah its about my older sis lol

x
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:39 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Loves Reality

loves Reality is song i wrote a few months ago and i got bored so i sung it then chipmunked it lol but would be great to know what you think of the lyrics
x x

(it wont let me post the link :@ lol)

but just add the www section!
youtube.com/watch?v=y5muze60MjY
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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This ones funny
YouTube - Kerry and Georgia =]
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Old 05-19-2009, 02:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Loves reality (lyrics)

Loves reality

i think ive got to let you go
set you free from my heart
ive got to stop thinking about you
ive got to stop dreaming for you
and i dont know why
you've got this effect on me
when i see you
my heart skips a beat
and im wandering why
wandering why

got to come back to reality
got to open my eyes and see
whats really going on
got to come out of my world
got to face that your not mine
and see
your not in love with me

i wander if you see how much i love you
i wander if you know how much i care
i need you to know the truth about it
and the truth of my heartache
the truth of my heartache

got to come back to reality
got to open my eyes and see
whats really going on
got to come out of my world
got to face that your not mine
and see
your not in love with me
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Old 05-22-2009, 10:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Love is a topic that needs few words to describe. If you add any more words, you have to be able to write like Cohen himself (writer of Hallelujah, Suzanne etc.). This is just one of those cases in which you have to be careful in what you say. I think the perfect example of a song along the same message as yours is Jon Foreman's 'My Love Goes Free'.

Although not in the same exact context as your song, he uses some very good, if not sometimes underused metaphors involved. Look up popular metaphors that follow along the same meaning as your song. The caged bird metaphor Jon uses is very applicable in this situation.

Hope that helps you
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