Only thing that is bothering me is your syllable count and rhythm. Unless you've got specific parts in your songs that are modified to fit this scheme, you have to go through and count out the syllables and make sure they are even from verse to verse. When doing that, also consider stress points (syllables in the poems that seem to standout). Make sure you could say this as a standalone poem.
Also, whenever you rhyme, you have to rhyme all the way through a verse. You, every once in a while, throw in lines that just don't rhyme or have much flow.
They are great songs, interesting meanings, and there are some clevar metaphors and similes that you use. What often enough makes (even hard rock and death metal songs) more interesting is when you use more standard poetry techniques like assonance, consonance, alliteration, straight up couplets etc.
I know you probably listen to System of a Down, so, go print out lyrics by SoD and just sit down and read them sometime. They are probably the best lyricists among the legions of metal bands. It's also good to look up their song meanings. Like there's one about the Tineman Square Riot -- and even "I killed Rock n' Roll" is a great example of solid poetry.
Keep workin' on it. You display the right amount of edge amoung your songs. Enough to create a mood and not enough to just shock you (shock poetry does not amuse me).
peace,
-nick
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