In reference to your lyrics they look similar to Fire Fall Down by Hillsong United. The only thing I would say is that your metaphor needs to be much, much more grand. I would also say that your lyrics need to be more of a conversation-- most worship songs generally consist of a question, a comparison, and an answer to that question. The hard part though is finding a balance between understandabillity and artistry. Your still leaning to the vague side. Worship songs need to be more descernible.
Some good artists to look at for worship musc are Derek Webb, Sandra McKraken (his wife), and obviously some more obscure names like Andy Gullahorn (who is actually good at writing worship songs when he does-- he also sounds allot Jose Gonzolez)
So, my point is that your point needs to come off more obviously than it is and also be much more grand. You should also avoid using overused metaphors. If God can be described with many metaphors, most people sure aren't exploring those descriptions.
I hope that's more along the lines of what you were looking for.
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