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Old 05-18-2009, 03:24 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Feathers On My Spine

I watch hallowed birds fly
I Watch them die
But the sky is afraid of the devil
And the devil is afraid of the sky
He is too dark and cold

So when the feathered souls find their way
Will they still come back in may
Cause when I try to fly like them
I fall, I fall like a rock
And when I try to enlighten them
I feel, I feel so f**ked

Kin of the dead
Make my hands red
Cause when the fire
Burns the liars
We’ll all be gone

I have feathers on my spine
Cause I don’t follow the line
So I shine, So I shine
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Last edited by Stone Birds; 06-10-2009 at 01:40 PM.
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:27 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default How It Traps It's Prey

RunÖ
RunÖ
RunÖ

A bowl of shadows
With binding lights
That Trap in the night
When
The skeleton walks with limp


RunÖ

A creepy little flame
Stuck in the same game
That youíre in
You try to escape
Reality


RunÖ

A broken old cross
Stands with a
A disease
That brings you to
your knees

(Instrumental Section)

RunÖ

A pack of wolves
Tear at your skin
As punishment
For your sins

This is how it traps itís prey
This is how it traps itís prey
This is how it traps itís prey

RunÖ

A place to escape
The world that we hate
Come with me
Come with me

RunÖ

To a new world
Weíve always had
But could never
See it
It wonít trap us here
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:33 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default The Protester

God layed down his hands
so you could touch
you were never fast enough

So you hid yourself behind the wall
got drunk off it all

and then September came
with all its war and fame
you came out, to protest

God layed down his hands
so you could touch
but you gave up

So Radical and extremist
the cops came
to disperse
you bursted in flames
in this verse

god layed down his hands
so you could touch
He grabbed your heart
and took you up
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:36 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Kewpie Doll

The city burns away
The day has fallen

Turn the dial
Wash away
Too many years
Spent in pain
Let them go

Call her name (x6)

Tears fall
Guns fire
Bombs explode
The happiness expires
Run, Run, Run away

She held her kewpie doll to her chest
She was shot (x3) dead
The kewpie doll
Fell to the ground
Stained with the blood
Of the innocent girl

Let me ask you
Whose heart, whose heart, could be that cold, that cold (x2)

Call her name (x6)

The blood
Has been shed
The mother
Does not know (x3)

The little girl (x3)

Call Her name (x6)
The Repition works more like an echo in this song
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:06 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Coma

I feel like Iím trapped underwater
About to drown
Any second now
I feel like Iím falling
almost to hit the ground
any second now
Iíll go insane
Maybe I already am
They say knowledge is key
But I think its killin me
I feel distant
Even right next to her
I want to jump
Whatís holdin me back
You donít see
Behind this face
Lies something I canít explain

I want to sleep forever (x3)
Where Iíll be free
To believe
In anything I want
I can believe
That the world is peaceful
I can believe
That thereís love all around
I can believe
That my music is cherished
I want to sleep forever

She doesnít see
How I truly feel
She doesnít know
How much I can see
Her soul
Iíd only wake up for her
I want to sleep forever
And listen to her voice
I want to sleep forever

The Coma (x4)
I want to sleep forever (x2)



The Coma (x2)
I want to sleep forever (x2)
The Coma (x2)
I want to sleep forever (x2)

She draws another cross
While I write her another song
One church
One story
One name that youíll never guess
Iíll keep myself locked
I give her the key
Please find me (x2)

The Coma (x4)

This is emo-folk
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:14 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Embers

As some of you may know I'm part of a youth ministry band (part-time), and to bring in some creativity i wrote my first worship song (for those of you who think i hate Christians, you're sadly mistaken, i just dislike the ones that try to FORCE their beliefs on to you) please tell me what you think. also i kinda need guitar & bass for this, so if you guys could help out that'd be great.

I got caught up in the holy fire
That rains, rains upon your name
That rains, rains upon your name
Your Embers fall like shooting stars
I shall worship you for your fire keeps me warm
And your light, your light keeps me strong
and From the sky you have reigned
Healing wounds of our pain
And with my heart I will say
Bring Upon your embers
Bring Upon your Name
Bring upon the holy fire of your fame

v1, v2, bridge/v3, chorus, v1, chorus, bridge/v3, chorus

If this needs rearrangement please tell me (first four are in order of the lyrics)
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Last edited by Stone Birds; 05-20-2009 at 12:16 PM. Reason: Title missing
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Old 05-20-2009, 04:16 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default

Wow, I see improvement with each song. Very good. Are there any songs in particular you want me to critique?

peace,
-nick
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Old 05-20-2009, 04:18 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default

Embers
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Old 05-20-2009, 05:13 PM   #39 (permalink)
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In reference to your lyrics they look similar to Fire Fall Down by Hillsong United. The only thing I would say is that your metaphor needs to be much, much more grand. I would also say that your lyrics need to be more of a conversation-- most worship songs generally consist of a question, a comparison, and an answer to that question. The hard part though is finding a balance between understandabillity and artistry. Your still leaning to the vague side. Worship songs need to be more descernible.

Some good artists to look at for worship musc are Derek Webb, Sandra McKraken (his wife), and obviously some more obscure names like Andy Gullahorn (who is actually good at writing worship songs when he does-- he also sounds allot Jose Gonzolez)

So, my point is that your point needs to come off more obviously than it is and also be much more grand. You should also avoid using overused metaphors. If God can be described with many metaphors, most people sure aren't exploring those descriptions.

I hope that's more along the lines of what you were looking for.
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Old 05-21-2009, 07:00 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default

I think the verse that bugs me the most is the second, but i'm not sure how to change it.
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