Just like there are different genres of music, there are different genres of music fans. And when you really think about it, they're all annoying.
This is in no real order, and to no certain amount. Just an infinite number of music fans that piss me off.
So enjoy, or at least until I get to YOU.
Also, remember that a lot of this is just tongue and cheek. So don't take it too seriously. Just for fun.
First up.
Indie kids
This one is gonna attract a lot of heat, I know. But this is just my opinion (which just happens to be based on objective scientifically proven fact). I just can't understand how people could listen to such avant garde garbage like F*ck Buttons and genuinely enjoy it.
Now this is the obvious one for me to start with, everyone knows I hate them.
But why?
Well my dear Watson, that's a very complex question. But a lot of things figure into this equation. Mainly there's no other group of people I can think of who are so elitist about the awful music they listen to, and so dedicated to shoving it down your throats. And it's not because they don't want to convert you. They want to be hated, and they do a fantastic job I might add.
Now granted. I can't just showhorn these guys into one category as there are many kinds of indie fans, all of them are equally irritiating and worthless. I'll cover these sub-categories later on.
Probably the worst kind is the one who pretty much copies and pastes his taste off of PitchforkMedia.com, the kinda douchebag who was all up on The Shins until Garden State came out, the kind that excels in awful jokes about butt sex and excessive overuse of Urban Dictionary phrases.
There are those that like some good music, like Radiohead and Wilco, but goddamn if they don't do everything in their power to make me hate those bands, which is undeniably what they want. They're even worse than the ones I can't agree with on anything, because they want their music to remain a part of their little club, if too many outsiders like it, they disown it. If you like only like some of the music they like, but now all of it, they're gonna try and make you feel guilty about it.
And because of this you have the real hardcore indie fans who are so dedicated in their "indieness" that they pretty much hate any indie band with so much as a shred of talent.
I'm not saying anyone here falls into this category, I'm just talking about the most hardcore elitists, and believe me, they exist.
By the indie definition, once more than 12 people have heard of you or you learn how to play more than 3 chords or produce an album where the music is actually audible, that means you sold out.
And I also hate how they claim to be more openminded than they actually are, they spend so much time trashing every popular band from every other popular genre, but of course, they like many genres of music, provided "indie", "post", "noise" or "folk" is somewhere in the title.
They also won't shut up about how great Wes Anderson is. And they have no grasp of subtlety when it comes to ironic humor. "Ironic" racist rants are common.
How to spot one: Unkempt hair, super tight jeans, ironic t shirts, thick rimmed glasses, indifferent (aka retarded) facial expressions. Indie kids like most scenesters, tend to hunt in packs, they are often lead by an elder, who likes to share his superior knowledge of awful obscure music with his minions.
Where to spot one in the wild: A vinyl record store is the best bet. If you think you've found one but are not sure, try saying a few kew phrases like "Can are the only good prog band", "That's not even
real emo" and "Boy, I wish
every Nirvana song sounded like Polly" and see how they react.
Debate tactics: The most common arguing tactic for indie fans is that when you say something about an album they don't agree with, they pretty much try to convince you that you have never actually listened to it and are just lying to them so you can appear to be as cool as they are. It may take them up to 3 pages before they realise you actually actually have listened to Psycho Candy and you just don't think it's the best pop record ever made.
Things they tend to say:
"This sounds too arena rock"
"The only good album they did was the one that Steve Albini produced"
"This band is just a ripoff of *Enter awful obscure band that sounds nothing like them here*"
"This band is mo bettah" (or some other painfully unfunny attempt at a blackcent)