Wow, that's an interesting take on song writing. A couple of things need to be cleaned up, but other than that, the concept is pretty refreshing. I guess you expect a few critiques from me?
Quote:
Well I'm so sorry I'm rude,
I often just assume,
What did you expect when my feet's soaking wet,
and my floormat came out maroon
Oh such a fitting excuse,
I'm not so much better,
I could've popped a fuse.
There are things you've forgotten; that you've seen,
but that doesn't change the fact that it's still what it seems. (*or* it's exactly what it seems)
Well carry on with your nap time, there is close to no hurry tonight
It's not your fingers I feel, running cold down, down through my spine
Still I've got to admit to you,
I didn't think you thought this through
Your lysergic scheme was never as good as it seemed,
color me impressed, it's better than I had dreamed.
Well carry on with your nap time,
there is close to no hurry tonight
It's not your fingers I feel,
running cold down down through my spine
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I like it allot. Most of the issues I changed were related to your grammer--like you said though, english isn't your first language. I'm very impressed with how well you communicated either way--especially with the 'cricket collector' metaphor.
peace out,
-nick