Quote:
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the only reason its in txt speak is so its easier to type
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easy almost never means better. Anything worth doing is worth doing well, and posting a poem (no matter how good or bad it may be) in a lazy manner (ie "text speak") makes the effort seem half hearted and also makes the poem/lyrics harder to understand for the rest of us. What kind of motivation does that give us to respond in a helpful way?? not much, though I am going to try.
Quote:
sometimes we're terrified
sometimes we're lost
we can never find our true selves
we just never kno wat to do
chorus
[we all need help sometimes
just cant do it alone
we all need help sometimes
before we loose control]
and then theres times where u just snap
all the stuff that builds up inside
you scream and flip with no real point behind it
but its fine
theres no evidence u ever let go
because ur alone
theres no one there for u
theres no one u can truly trust
theres always a hint of doubt in everyone
you've been alone so long
its all ur used to
and now it may always b that way
[chorus]
everythings so repetitive
never anything new
i've been here before
always will b
stuck in a never endingcycle
if we move from one its just to another
because thats how we are
not just us but everyone
and it might kill us all
we all need help sometimes
just cant do it alone
we all need help sometimes
before we loose ourselves forever
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This is just a personal opinion, but I've found that the more a writer uses the words "you" and "I" in a general sense (referring directly to the readers or the writer), the less a reader can connect to the lyrics. For instance, in the first stanza you say "we can never find our true selves." Well, it just so happens that I'm well on my way to finding my true self. Because of this, I immediatly (subconciously) write off the rest of the song as not applying to me. This general attitude of "you" and "we" persists throughout the song.
Also, while the lyrics themselves are not bad, the originallity lacks a bit. Most people (teenagers especially, i would know, i am one) can write a song about loss and anger and pain bleeding out that seems heartrending (to them). These emotions are important to express, but if the goal is to produce something that will leave the pages of the journal, then we as writers need to find a new way to express them. Thats what seperates the average angsty teen from the artist (who may or may not be "starving")
I have trouble with this myself. The key is to find a new image (such as metaphors), a specific situation, and sounds (just the overall way the lyrics sound when read or sung) that expresses the emotions in an unexpected way that can penetrate down into a listeners soul before they really know whats going on. We're all so used to reading "oh im so lost how cn i ever find my way" that we've mostly built up an immunity to it. Your (our) job is to get past that defense and share something truly powerful. Thats what music is all about right?
Please keep writing and posting, and if you get a chance check out my lyrics. I need to post some more recent stuff, but let me know what you think of the old, I need all the help I can get.