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I love your rhyming/writing style, but as we got a chance to see, making a list of rhyming words and making lines out of them doesn't exactly make for a consice subject.
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suprisingly, that's how I wrote my older songs--this particular song sort of flowed, and when said to my rhythm there's not a single word out of place (this due to the fact that it somehow turns into a Limerick. That's definately my fault; however, and, when I post the finished song itself, I'll see about it's consistancy.
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You also use a lot of "big words" at the end of lines, another indicator of forced rhyming.
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It feels forced to you? I honestly haven't opened up a thesaraus for a poem in months (as my only thesaraus is on the computer, but I write it out with pen). That's sort of become my own dialouge. But, if it feels forced, I'll stick to smaller words.
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My favorite lyrics by far were "Something, Nevermind". It had a few rough spots just reading it out, but I'm sure set to music they virtually disappear. The concept was original, playful with a morbid background, good rhyme scheme, and just repetitive enough to define it from an intellectual poem. I'm not sure you should restrict yourself to the style you're used to writing. You do well with the nursery rhyme style...maybe embrace that a bit more in your subject matter. Jonney Cash is great, but he's him and not you.
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You really enjoyed that song? That was the most fun to write because I wasn't sticking to anyone else's model and it carried out a specific idea I had like I liked. (not to mention I wrote it based on what came out of my mouth) Nobody commented on it, so I assumed nobody really cared about it. I'll try and expand the model itself a bit--just write a bit more in that mindset.
thank you greatly for the comment, you don't know how much it means to me.
peace,
-nick