you have an interesting sense of humor--and very ironic at that. You know how to write, that much is true, but you have to stray away from words whose meaning can be... illiterate in a sense. When I hear the word tard, I think of that little ******* kid who live in my nieghborhood when I was 7 calling everyone a tard--in fact, he's the only one in any sort of recent memory I've heard use the word.
That's my problem with it, but other than that, your poems are quite interesting... just never put this to hardcore, grind core, or any of that cheesy hard rock that licenses itself to the influence of Zepplin (of course, none are close to Led in any way--which is why it's a genre that has been exhausted in my mind.) Your too talented a writer to fall in the wake of something musically that's already been done and redone enough to've made it's point already.
peace,
-nick