Ya, the beautiful body line kinda didn't seem right... Of course I understand what you mean. Looking at a little baby with her teeny tiny fingers and toes, her soft belly etc...it certainly is beautiful, but in this particular instance the word choice doesn't convey the meaning.
As a lullaby, its a sweet little song. As something bigger, it would need a little work. If you have the means, Id like to hear you singing it. Even a rough recording would be plenty to get the message across.
As far as everyone wanting you dead...well that certianly is a deep depressing assumption. Posting your lyrics..especially ones that mean something to you.. online so that the world can read and critizice is risky buisness. It's hard to come up with lines that are both exciting to read and yet, not too complex for music. Anyway, the more you write the better you'll get. Take people's constructive critisism for what its worth, and leave all the other nonsense behind. There is too much of that in the real world, we don't need to be internalizing it from cyber space too.
Anyway, ill look up the other stuff you posted and read it through, keep working... maybe you'll start moving away from depressing now that you have this song as a starting point.
