Quote:
Originally Posted by asshat
Hands that kill
Hands
These god damn hands
Have killed many a man,man
Hands that kill
See these hands
Killed a man
Performed surgery
Delivered a new born baby
Touched the face of a lady
When these hands kill again
I can't be certain
But for certain they will kill a man,man
In the 23rd century AD
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Quote:
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When these hands kill again
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I don't know why. But this line absolutely blew me away.
As for your other pieces:
Maybe I didn't quite understand them or something, but I became a bit bored. Had some of the words been changed, and some of the ideas been altered, I feel I would be able to compare some of the lines closely to nursery rhymes.
"Hands That Kill" is really the only one that caught my eye.
Edit:
When I said that I could compare them to nursery rhymes, I meant these two:
Quote:
Tard
Shines your shoes
With a **** eating grin
Picks the horse
Guaranteed to win
If it don't win
He's the collateral
See him at the grand piano
He don't know how to make love
His only love is numbers
This retard, you see, this retard
He helps you win the lottery
__________________________
Sister
this guy here
Were all laughing with this guy here
Buy him a beer
Get him real drunk
For later
Wait til the 13th beer
Til he's so so drunk
And can't move around too good
Kick him in the balls
Slap him like a bitch
Right in the kisser
This guy, this guy
Was ****in with my sister.
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But that was the wrong way to describe it.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
The rhyming just slips the entire idea of the writing into a lull.
And I'm unable to focus on the actual theme.