VEGANGELICA

Hi Summerwhite,

Say, I noticed you've started several threads in the songwriting section. I want to make sure you know about the MB rule to post all your work in one thread so that we have fewer threads in the songwriting section and so that we can see the development of your songs over time. (Your last song was posted around 8/2/09).

I agree with Chard that your song describes feelings of obsession and desires for possession during first or young love, even as the writer realizes the love is hopeless because it is not reciprocated. "Passion Overload," which he suggested, also seems to me a good title.

I have a comment about the beginning of the song. The singer is waiting for the boy to come by...so I assume this means they are friends and he doesn't realize she is in love (and he wouldn't want her to be in love)...but then this scene is left before he arrives, and later the singer jumps to it being alone late at night. I'm missing a scene in which the boy/man actually shows up and there is some direct interaction, so that I can hear the singer's thoughts while she is actually with the person, rather than thinking about him in his absence.

I also have a couple suggestions for the ending:

When you ask, "Please just tell me why am I crying," do you simply mean "I wonder why I am crying" or are you asking (in your mind) the boy? It seems strange, to me, to ask this question of someone who does not reciprocate your love. There also seem to be a lot of "too's" in the final stanza so that to me the word starts to feel overused.

I think the topic of the song is one many people in the Taylor Swift age bracket could relate to.

CHARD! You are out of your songwriting thread!! I have so rarely seen you comment on anyone else's work that it is a pleasant shock to see you out and about.

--Veg

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