summerwhite

Hey. So I'm a beginner at writing songs, and I'm just trying this out, but tell me what you think okay? It doesnt have a full melody yet, but I think I'm going to make it country, something like Taylor Swift's song. Oh and I need help with the song title too. Thanks!

Sitting here all alone
My best friend just went home
And I'm, Waiting for you now

I just wanted to say hi
And receiving your reply
Saying, I am fine.

But what am I hoping?
What am I faking?
Who am kidding?
I'm not supposed to feel this feeling

[CHORUS]
Now its all mixed up
And I'm just so confused
I wanted to cry but I dont know why
And now I'm missing you
Why does it feels so true
When I know you wont feel the same too
You know I'm just another girl who screams
I love you

Martin's singing a love song
and Taylor follows the lead
Somehow, its about you and me

But I'm not telling anybody
They just won't understand
Dont wanna be laughed at again

But what am I hoping?
What am I faking?
Who am kidding?
I'm not supposed to feel this feeling

[CHORUS]

Tried to be real and moved on
But when I look into his eyes sometings just wrong
My heart just wont sing
The words just wont fit in

and I always dream of your eyes
Your brunette locks and your flawless smile
But I know you wont be mine

Its late but I couldnt sleep
Cuz I am so confused
And please just tell me why am I crying
Maybe I'm missing you
And this feeling feels so true
But I know you wont feel the same too
Cuz I'm just another girl among the crowds
One of the girls who are trying to reach out
And hoping you would come and say
I love you..too

Comments/Advice? I'd love to know it!

chard

Running on empty, obbsession, possession. Passion overload your title. good first outing.

VEGANGELICA

Hi Summerwhite,

Say, I noticed you've started several threads in the songwriting section. I want to make sure you know about the MB rule to post all your work in one thread so that we have fewer threads in the songwriting section and so that we can see the development of your songs over time. (Your last song was posted around 8/2/09).

I agree with Chard that your song describes feelings of obsession and desires for possession during first or young love, even as the writer realizes the love is hopeless because it is not reciprocated. "Passion Overload," which he suggested, also seems to me a good title.

I have a comment about the beginning of the song. The singer is waiting for the boy to come by...so I assume this means they are friends and he doesn't realize she is in love (and he wouldn't want her to be in love)...but then this scene is left before he arrives, and later the singer jumps to it being alone late at night. I'm missing a scene in which the boy/man actually shows up and there is some direct interaction, so that I can hear the singer's thoughts while she is actually with the person, rather than thinking about him in his absence.

I also have a couple suggestions for the ending:

When you ask, "Please just tell me why am I crying," do you simply mean "I wonder why I am crying" or are you asking (in your mind) the boy? It seems strange, to me, to ask this question of someone who does not reciprocate your love. There also seem to be a lot of "too's" in the final stanza so that to me the word starts to feel overused.

I think the topic of the song is one many people in the Taylor Swift age bracket could relate to.

CHARD! You are out of your songwriting thread!! I have so rarely seen you comment on anyone else's work that it is a pleasant shock to see you out and about.

--Veg

__________________

summerwhite

Thanks Veg! And sorry I didnt notice the rule, I'm going to post my songs only in this thread afterwards.

I just mean I wonder why I am crying in the line "Please just tell me why am I crying". and..okay I think I'll change the second verse about the singer is listening to a love song to a scene where the boy finally shows up. I'll post it when I'm done. Thanks again!