Nicktarist

For the first song especially, you need to focus on using a more active voice than passive voice. Than sentence "I Will Be Fine" should be changed to something like "I can stay alive if I don't speak my mind".

That's a very important line in the song, so it has to use verbs that grab the eyes and ears. That would be your 'active' voice.

In the book, they were telescreens, not necessarily cameras. Thoughtpolice. If you change it to:

I feel as though your using 1984 as more of a metaphor than anything else though, so you don't have to use those terms unless they apply to the situation. If you want a song that really relates the book effectively, you'd do well to check out the song 2+2=5(the lukewarm) by Radiohead (if you haven't already).

Raindrops is a pretty nice song:
I kinda like this line--even if it isn't supposed to make sense. It sounds real cool like. Don't change it, no matter what anyone tells you.

I personally prefer the more prose like form of the song. It's more interesting than it would be normally. There's nothing overall wrong with the song. It's all about how you perform it.

Finally, 'I won't be fine' is a rather boring and lackluster poem. It's recommended that you go ahead and get rid of that one because there's not much you could do to fix it.

Keep writing, your not bad for someone who's first language probably isn't English. More descriptive than most english speakers I know.

peace out,
-nick

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