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Trauma · 06-14-2005, 06:32 PM

I love it.
I couldn't rhyme all of it but it sounds nice.

don't you think you should attempt a safe way out?
i won't let you be my safety raft.
because i am the anchor.
sea water fills my lungs.
you whisper...all i wanted was to hold her.
so i take the plunge, accept the watery grave.
the flesh wound still bleeding.

Fell apart a little there but I liked the last two lines.

I REALLY like the first stanza, great poem.

06-14-2005, 06:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,183	I love it. I couldn't rhyme all of it but it sounds nice. don't you think you should attempt a safe way out? i won't let you be my safety raft. because i am the anchor. sea water fills my lungs. you whisper...all i wanted was to hold her. so i take the plunge, accept the watery grave. the flesh wound still bleeding. Fell apart a little there but I liked the last two lines. I REALLY like the first stanza, great poem. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño