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Old 06-14-2005, 03:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
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Default my lyrics, ~YOU AND YOU ALONE~

~You and You Alone~

the blade sliced through my heart.
it inflamed the flesh
and sent me to the floor.
i lay in the dirt weeping for all i've lost.
i grasp the vine that bleeds a rich nectar.
it's traced with your blood.
i down you as my chaser
and use you as an excuse for love.
is this all you are?
is this what i've become?

(chorus)
because its you and you alone
that i use as my crutch
a shot to the head leaks blood to the floor
you try to fix me
but i know it ain't love
that's going to win this war

i need no pity nor isolation.
i served my time in that tower.
held down by its chains of desolation.
you flow through the gates with an angelic glow.
this is not what i was expecting.
this is not how the story goes...

(chorus)
because its you and you alone
that i use as my crutch
a shot to the head leaks blood to the floor
you try to fix me
but i know it ain't love
that's going to win this war

my grip tightens on your shoulders.
if i don't loosen my hold
you will drown
i'll take you down with me.
don't you think you should attempt a safe way out?
i won't let you be my safety raft.
because i am the anchor.
sea water fills my lungs.
you whisper...all i wanted was to hold her.
so i take the plunge, accept the watery grave.
the flesh wound still bleeding.
but it is you and you alone.
who was meant to be saved...

(chorus repeat 2x)
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Old 06-14-2005, 07:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I love it.
I couldn't rhyme all of it but it sounds nice.

don't you think you should attempt a safe way out?
i won't let you be my safety raft.
because i am the anchor.
sea water fills my lungs.
you whisper...all i wanted was to hold her.
so i take the plunge, accept the watery grave.
the flesh wound still bleeding.

Fell apart a little there but I liked the last two lines.

I REALLY like the first stanza, great poem.
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Old 06-21-2005, 08:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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thank u very much. the prob w/ the last part was i needed to say those things and i couldn't think of anything else that fit. i figured yeah it didn't rhyme as neatly but i had to write it the way it was or i would of kept changing it never being satisfied...lol but thats how i work so yeah...

but thank u very much, it helps a lot, i like to hear others opinions.
peace,
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Old 06-21-2005, 09:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
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good lyrics FOS, i tend to do the same as you mentioned with alot of my songs. Ill have a line or verse that doesnt necessarily fit, but when you try to reword it to fit it loses the strength. After rewriting parts several times I usually end up using the original words and restructuring the music to accomodate the lyrics.
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Old 06-21-2005, 06:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Not bad at all but again, blood metaphors are very sketchy. Other than that it is well done.
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Old 06-22-2005, 07:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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yeah i agree w/ the blood metaphors. theres either too many that just don't fit or theres not enough to my liking that totally get the point across. maybe i should just stop using the word blood, save myself some grief. lol. thanx ppls.

peace,
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