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Old 01-20-2010, 09:28 AM   #255 (permalink)
t3hplatyz0rz
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In the moment
Posts: 102
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I'm sorry- in my last post, I was still trying to get used to the forum, and so I didn't see the pagecount indicator. I thought that your first page was your only stuff.
You're later stuff is... quite good.
Quote:
They may find out i have been blagging it for all these years
I don't know what "blagging it" means. It's a bit confusing, but not the end of the world. Just something to think about.

Quote:
just like a erotic dancer, slippery when wet.
This line burns my eyes. Please, please, please change it. It seems to me that it just ruins the serious mood of the piece.

Quote:
Money is power, without pride
all goodness, how quick it died.
In the name of progress we stand and salute,
we are all heading for death but first the boot.
Wishing everyone would die around me
or they all wake up and set me free.
What ever the outcome something has got to give
death or a life to live.
Epic. Just epic. Very good ending.
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