AwwSugar!
Thanks for reading my "Skin" song and giving feedback! I just posted new lyrics (for "Squeal," about pigs...not a sexual topic this time!
) when I saw your reply. I thought, WOW, does she ever read fast! Then I realized you were writing about "Skin."
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Originally Posted by AwwSugar
I want to hear how this would sound.
I actually am a hopeless romantic, but this is a little corny for me in a different way.
The phrase "non-existent soul" is a little off to me.
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Yes, the corny-factor is a problem with my "Skin" song, I agree.
"Non-existent soul" is what I put into the song because as an atheist I get so tired of singers singing about people's souls in love songs, because I think there are no souls, so those songs always lose me somewhat when they start going on about souls.
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I like the idea of "I want to slip beneath your skin, 'til I forget where I end and you begin," but I don't like the way it's worded at all. Either it's a little to blunt, or a little too graphic for me.
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Heh heh...it IS graphic! I actually first wrote, "I want to get under your skin," but that has been used in several other songs, so I tried to find alternate wording, which led to, "I want to slip beneath your skin." I would prefer to use "I want to get under your skin" because that sounds less sexual and more emotional to me, since "to get under someone's skin" means that you start to have meaning and importance to that person (and the sexual interpretation is secondary). I just feel so guilty using wording others have used...and a common phrase, at that! But I think I should revert to my original wording, since that makes the sexuality a little more ambiguous, I feel.
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"I would be fine if you left me" is probably my favourite line here. It gave me the chills, but when I read the rest of the verse, I didn't feel it fit in quite the same. I think maybe I interpreted that line as more emotional than it was intended.
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No no...you are completely right...it IS supposed to be emotional, but I think the sexuality of the rest of the verse makes it seem purely physical. I'll change the lyrics to tone down some of the sexuality, since my original intent was to make the song more emotional with just some sexuality included, rather than more sexual with less emotion.
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Sometimes, I'm not sure whether you mean for your songs to be completely serious, and it throws me off a bit, so I'm not sure how I should interpret and criticize your writing.
Overall, like I said, it's a bit corny for me.
But I do like love songs.
And I love love song that talk about not wanted to be separated from that person forever, no matter what happens.
Anyway, that's my rant for now.
I love when you mention me, it's so cute.
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Thanks so much for your feedback, Amandria! It has been helpful to me. I had similar concerns about the song as you, but it is good to hear them from someone else other than myself. I meant the song originally as a very serious song, but in trying to avoid the often used "get under your skin" I ended up becoming more sexually playful with it. I'll try reverting the song back to my original wording to try to tone down the sexuality part, and see how that reads.
Thanks again! You even read it though it rhymed!! (SNIFF!) That was me wiping a tear of gratitude.
Oh, and I ALWAYS like to mention you, Sugar! (Did you see I mentioned you in the "Your Day" thread, too?)
~ Erica