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Old 03-30-2010, 12:39 PM   #191 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
Yayy for lyrics!
I love love love the song.
And these are my two favourite parts:

This part had the strongest emotional appeal:

This part was cute and I like the play on words:
I'm glad you liked "Evergreen," AwwSugar! I thought you'd think the play on words was just silly rather than cute...maybe you are being charitable ...but I'm happy you thought it was cute.

I also liked the lines about trying to let go graciously of expectations. IT ISN'T EASY TO DO, IS IT!!!!!!! Those lines probably summarize my whole point of the song: being able to let go and move on even when it is hard to. I was hoping that you'd at least like the overall meaning of the song. Plus, the person being sung to is gender-neutral. I wanted to be sure of that! And I tried to avoid rhyming absolutely everything.

Of course, if you had despised the lyrics that would be okay, because I think you'd still know that I had the intention of trying to make something you'd like...and you'd appreciate that. I've always liked your honesty and constructive criticism...you aren't afraid to say what you really feel about music...and I never take your criticism personally.

<3 and =@

EDIT: I see you are still using "favourite." If we ever get you back from across the ocean, you'll be using this for life, I think!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 03-30-2010 at 12:52 PM.
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Old 04-29-2010, 12:50 PM   #192 (permalink)
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Default Lyrics for "Skin," a dance song.

Hello MB people,

From pig slaughter to romance! Since the previous lyrics I posted were for my vegan song called "Hide" (which ended with these lines, "Lounge back on your leather chair, cross your boots of someone’s skin, I don’t know how you can bear to wear the hide you’re in"), I decided a fitting contrast would be the lyrics for a song called "Skin" that I am working on...because "Skin" is about how it feels to fall in love.

A little background on "Skin." A friend of mine loves techno dance love songs, which I generally dislike because they seem so silly, but I promised I'd try to write one. The lyrics were inspired partly by MusicBanter. I remember reading in the Sexual Experience Thread when someone wrote that he'd never fallen in love and wondered how it would feel. This resulted in a discussion about what is "love," being "in love," and lust. Since techno dance songs often seem to be about love, I decided to write a song about what *I* feel it feels like to fall in love with someone.

In "Skin," I wanted to avoid something I dislike immensely in romantic love songs, which is when people say "I need you" or "I can't live without you" or "You complete me," since those are all exaggerations and seem more like dependency speaking rather than expressions of the mixture of love, lust and friendship that strengthens rather than weakens independent people who are in love. Yet I also wanted to acknowledge the strong feelings that get aroused.

A problem with my lyrics is that since the topic is so common I probably have inadvertantly copied wording from other songs, although I tried to Google some of my lines to make sure they aren't exactly like those of existent songs. I had hoped MusicBanter might help me with this area, since so many people here listen to music as their main musical activity that they should know, instantly, if my lyrics sound exactly like those of some other song. So if or when they do, please let me know!

ERICA'S RATING SYSTEM Rating for "Skin" is "ATFFIL" for "About the Feeling of Falling in Love."
(So, AwwSugar, if you aren't in a mushy mood, avoid!)

**************************************************

"SKIN" by Erica

I want to get under your skin
‘til you forget where I end and you begin.
I love hoping I’m someone whom you miss.
You are the opposite of emptiness.

My life is full - I’m rarely lonely,
yet I feel better when you hold me.
I love feeling you’re someone whom I miss.
You always add to my happiness.

I know this must be some
biological mechanism kicking in.
I know I’m probably in
the throes of oxytocin,
but it feels so good when
two obsessions meet at the same time,
I wish when you awake my name
were your first thought like yours is mine.

I want to get under your skin
‘til I forget where I end and you begin.
I love the world you’re offering to me,
the barriers of our bodies melting beautifully.

My life’s complete. I feel whole.
Yet you stir my non-existent soul.
I love the feeling of your openness.
You draw me into you with each caress.

I know this must be some
biological mechanism kicking in.
I know I’m probably in
the throes of oxytocin,
but it feels so good when
two obsessions meet at the same time,
I wish when you awake my name
were your first thought like yours is mine.

One word from you and you rivet my attention.
A look at me and I’m sure you read my intention.
You bring so much joy, you’re someone whom I miss,
and I want to give you happiness.

(BRIDGE)
There might be a thousand people
who could mean this much to me,
and I’d probably like them and they’d like me, too,
but I just want you!

I would be fine if you left me.
I’ve learned the skill of stability,
and I won’t take what isn’t given,
still I want to get beneath
your lovely, silky, warm skin!

I know this must be some
biological mechanism kicking in.
I know I’m probably in
the throes of oxytocin,
but it feels so good when
two obsessions meet at the same time,
I wish when you awake my name
were your first thought like yours is mine.

One word from you and you rivet my attention.
A look at me and I’m sure you read my intention.
You bring so much joy, you’re someone whom I miss,
and I want to give you happiness.
I want to give you happiness.

**************************************************
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 05-08-2010 at 10:58 PM. Reason: I reverted to some original wording
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Old 05-08-2010, 10:36 PM   #193 (permalink)
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I want to hear how this would sound.
I actually am a hopeless romantic, but this is a little corny for me in a different way.
The phrase "non-existent soul" is a little off to me.
I like the idea of "I want to slip beneath your skin, 'til I forget where I end and you begin," but I don't like the way it's worded at all. Either it's a little to blunt, or a little too graphic for me.
"I would be fine if you left me" is probably my favourite line here. It gave me the chills, but when I read the rest of the verse, I didn't feel it fit in quite the same. I think maybe I interpreted that line as more emotional than it was intended.
Sometimes, I'm not sure whether you mean for your songs to be completely serious, and it throws me off a bit, so I'm not sure how I should interpret and criticize your writing.
Overall, like I said, it's a bit corny for me.
But I do like love songs.
And I love love song that talk about not wanted to be separated from that person forever, no matter what happens.

Anyway, that's my rant for now.
I love when you mention me, it's so cute.
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Old 05-08-2010, 10:55 PM   #194 (permalink)
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AwwSugar!

Thanks for reading my "Skin" song and giving feedback! I just posted new lyrics (for "Squeal," about pigs...not a sexual topic this time! ) when I saw your reply. I thought, WOW, does she ever read fast! Then I realized you were writing about "Skin."

Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
I want to hear how this would sound.
I actually am a hopeless romantic, but this is a little corny for me in a different way.
The phrase "non-existent soul" is a little off to me.
Yes, the corny-factor is a problem with my "Skin" song, I agree.

"Non-existent soul" is what I put into the song because as an atheist I get so tired of singers singing about people's souls in love songs, because I think there are no souls, so those songs always lose me somewhat when they start going on about souls.

Quote:
I like the idea of "I want to slip beneath your skin, 'til I forget where I end and you begin," but I don't like the way it's worded at all. Either it's a little to blunt, or a little too graphic for me.
Heh heh...it IS graphic! I actually first wrote, "I want to get under your skin," but that has been used in several other songs, so I tried to find alternate wording, which led to, "I want to slip beneath your skin." I would prefer to use "I want to get under your skin" because that sounds less sexual and more emotional to me, since "to get under someone's skin" means that you start to have meaning and importance to that person (and the sexual interpretation is secondary). I just feel so guilty using wording others have used...and a common phrase, at that! But I think I should revert to my original wording, since that makes the sexuality a little more ambiguous, I feel.

Quote:
"I would be fine if you left me" is probably my favourite line here. It gave me the chills, but when I read the rest of the verse, I didn't feel it fit in quite the same. I think maybe I interpreted that line as more emotional than it was intended.
No no...you are completely right...it IS supposed to be emotional, but I think the sexuality of the rest of the verse makes it seem purely physical. I'll change the lyrics to tone down some of the sexuality, since my original intent was to make the song more emotional with just some sexuality included, rather than more sexual with less emotion.

Quote:
Sometimes, I'm not sure whether you mean for your songs to be completely serious, and it throws me off a bit, so I'm not sure how I should interpret and criticize your writing.
Overall, like I said, it's a bit corny for me.
But I do like love songs.
And I love love song that talk about not wanted to be separated from that person forever, no matter what happens.

Anyway, that's my rant for now.
I love when you mention me, it's so cute.
Thanks so much for your feedback, Amandria! It has been helpful to me. I had similar concerns about the song as you, but it is good to hear them from someone else other than myself. I meant the song originally as a very serious song, but in trying to avoid the often used "get under your skin" I ended up becoming more sexually playful with it. I'll try reverting the song back to my original wording to try to tone down the sexuality part, and see how that reads.

Thanks again! You even read it though it rhymed!! (SNIFF!) That was me wiping a tear of gratitude.

Oh, and I ALWAYS like to mention you, Sugar! (Did you see I mentioned you in the "Your Day" thread, too?)

~ Erica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 05-08-2010 at 11:10 PM.
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Old 05-08-2010, 11:46 PM   #195 (permalink)
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I actually wasn't thinking sexuality when I thought about "slip beneath your skin."
I like sex in songs.
I guess being under anyone's skin is just a creepy thing to hear, in a way.
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:14 PM   #196 (permalink)
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I actually wasn't thinking sexuality when I thought about "slip beneath your skin."
I like sex in songs.
I guess being under anyone's skin is just a creepy thing to hear, in a way.
Hmm...so it evokes kind of a Silence of the Lamb feeling, huh? Yeah, I wouldn't want anyone to slip beneath my skin like THAT!

Well, I operated on the song and got rid of "slip beneath your skin," thanks to you, Sugar, so now except for in one place the song just talks about wanting to "get under your skin."

...preferably not by using a hunter's knife and finishing off the cuts with some pinking shears!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 05-11-2010, 08:59 AM   #197 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Hmm...so it evokes kind of a Silence of the Lamb feeling, huh? Yeah, I wouldn't want anyone to slip beneath my skin like THAT!

Well, I operated on the song and got rid of "slip beneath your skin," thanks to you, Sugar, so now except for in one place the song just talks about wanting to "get under your skin."

...preferably not by using a hunter's knife and finishing off the cuts with some pinking shears!
You're sick. xD
Oh, I wrote a poem. I'm not going to post it, but I can message it to you or something.
It's political, and I'm not really into politics, but it was for a project.
I thought you'd appreciate it. [=
I thought about you while I was writing it.
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Old 05-11-2010, 09:45 AM   #198 (permalink)
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You're sick. xD
Oh, I wrote a poem. I'm not going to post it, but I can message it to you or something.
It's political, and I'm not really into politics, but it was for a project.
I thought you'd appreciate it. [=
I thought about you while I was writing it.
I'd love to see your poem! Please PM it! I am flattered to think you thought of me while writing a poem, AwwSugar.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 05-11-2010, 09:49 AM   #199 (permalink)
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Sending it [=
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Old 05-21-2010, 08:42 AM   #200 (permalink)
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Default "COUNTRY" lyrics

Hi MBers,

Here's a vegan song I wrote after being inspired by my relatives who raise cattle, participate in rodeos (calf and goat roping and tying), hunt all sorts of animals (including shooting songbirds for fun), and teach their good Christian values of mercy, kindness, and slaughter to their children.

I haven't shared the song with them yet. If you read it you'll probably see why!

******************************************

"COUNTRY" by Erica

You like to rope calves at rodeo.
You’re glad you won a prize
terrorizing animals in a show.
You wrestle pigs and wear a leather vest
trying to look like the cowboys
who used to live out West.

You go out trapping muskrats
so they drown in the lake,
but you never say you kill,
only “harvest” or “take.”
You see all creatures of the world
as a natural resource.
I see you willfully killing them
without remorse.

Now, nature can be cruel,
I agree that’s true,
but that don’t mean you
gotta be cruel, too.

Oh, you dress your kids in camouflage
and photograph them holding up
dead pheasants by the hunting lodge.
You take their picture with dangling fish,
and here Bobby finally shot a deer.
Says Dad, “I got my greatest wish.”

See the boy and doe,
blood tricking from her nose,
his weapon displayed
on her flank so it shows.
He’s holding up her head,
light reflecting from her eye,
and he’s grinning ‘cause he’s
the one who caused her to die.

Oh, you like to think
you’re a flock of God’s sheep,
but you’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Your predator runs deep.
Like cats with their prey,
you feel killing is fun,
and your culture condones eating
almost every animal under the sun.

You believe creation’s at your mercy,
and that’s the way you think a god
planned for it to be.

Oh you’re so glad ya’ll get to be country.
I’m so glad I never have to be country!

You sing your pretty songs
of country love,
of romance in the corn
and the sweetly cooing dove.
But the corn you feed to pigs
you roast with spits through their head,
and the mourning doves, well,
you like to shoot them dead.

You practice animal husbandry
and sell your helpless livestock
to the "processing" facility
since you were told
we need meat to grow strong,
but it never occurs to you
your parents were wrong!

Oh, you’re wolves in sheep’s clothing
who think they’re sheep,
but your life is based on slaughter:
your predator runs deep.
Like cats with their prey,
you feel killing is fun,
and your culture condones eating
almost every animal under the sun.

You believe creation’s at your mercy
and that’s the way you think a god
planned for it to be.

Oh, you’re so glad ya’ll get to be country.
I’m so glad I never have to be country.

Oh, you’re so glad ya’ll get to be country.
I’m so glad I never have to be country.

******************************************
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 05-21-2010 at 01:21 PM.
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