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Old 05-15-2010, 12:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
Celladorina
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Hi Vanilla,

This first poem sounds like it is about the exuberance of living, not knowing what will happen, and half-choosing our course. I like the line "half-empty hearts craving for more." Sometimes living feels like that. I also like "internally out of breath" because to me that suggests excitement.

I don't understand why "earth's existence is its price," though! Why is earth's existence the price of having the experience of existence (the artist's 360 degree dream...by which I assume you mean God's creation)? Are you thinking of the eventual destruction of earth as described in the Bible?

Vanilla: This one describes my first few steps onto the sea ice in Antarctica after getting off the plane. It describes my fear, excitement and prospect of exploring this new world. #60o indicates that no matter where you look in whatever direction its just vast amounts of ice. Details are insignificant when you are there looking at it. After visiting the huts of explorers from yonder, I had an overwhelming feeling of rejoice being able to explore Antarctica myself.

Finally I'll say that the inner emotional turmoil I had been previously battling was no longer relevant. This experience was like a chance to let all the drama and emotion go.


I noticed that in addition to rhymes such as inside/wide and before/more, you like using words that rhyme internally (assonance): life/price, regret/breath. So, you are relaxed enough in your writing not to force the use of rhymes that might sacrifice the meaning you want to achieve. Since I love rhyming and the feel of words, I like seeing how you handle them in your poems.

Vanilla: Yes I've always made a habit out of avoiding rhymes wherever possible. I believe you either put the rhyming in for the entirety of the poem or not at all. The beauty of language is looking inside yourself for the words that most accurately describe the feelings you have.


Hmm. This one sounds like it is about the feeling of facing the unknown and going out to meet it, filled with fear and joy. I like "within is a feeling of absolute romance, as if the world has ended and heaven has begun." This reminds me of happy moments of euphoria due to just being alive.

Vanilla: That's exactly how I felt, I was in pure euphoria for a) being allowed to go to Antarctica and have the scholarship associated with it; b) going overseas and experiencing something different; and c) the beauty of it took my breath away.


You think, therefore you are! So, yes, I'd say you are real! I've always been interested in the philosophy of solipsism, since one can't *prove* that anything other than one's self exists...and what if that self were somehow an illusion, too, like you suggest? I very much think everything exists (ourselves and others), but it is interesting to think, hypothetically, what if I were wrong?

The lines that especially interest me are the last two, because they make me wonder what you think might be inside the self, if everything we perceive really were a figment of an imagination.

A question about word choice: why do you write that "in true accord I lose myself?" The poem has a feeling of fear and unrest to me, and yet "accord" means harmony and agreement, so your use of the word surprised me.

I couldn't help but notice that all 3 of your poems are exploring the relationship of the self with itself and reality. They seem very introspective.

EDIT: P.S. I like watching Lady Gaga in your avatar. She looks very feisty!!
I said true accord because it was a positive move for me, "in true accord I lose myself" means to finally let go of the pressures of life, and think about it for what it really could be.

I am in a time in my life where I am really self reflective. I have such big struggles with my emotions such as I let others opinions in when I shouldn't. I'm trying to build a bit more confidence in myself, I want to make a life for myself that I want and it's a slow process. But in saying that, this is why I love writing poetry so much. No matter how awful you feel, how hurt, how terrified, writing it down into words really brings it out into the open to deal with. I always feel better afterwards.

Thank you very much for analysing my poems, it's really good to hear others perspectives as everyone looks at poetry in different ways.
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