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Originally Posted by Freebase Dali
I think it's important for both you AND the girl to be just as self-serving as you are generous. I've never met a girl who really wanted a guy who was a complete pushover and did everything they wanted and took no pleasure for himself.
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I don't want a girl who doesn't enjoy doing things. But I don't want a girl who keeps me bottled up either because she has a ridiculously long list of things she refuses to do. I would be willing to try things she likes if shes willing to try things I like. Diplomacy.
And getting your partner to actually enjoy the things you want her to try is even better.
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I would think that to a girl, if the guy is actually getting some gratification out of the relationship beyond just satisfying her, then it's reflective of her own desirability and not of some weird need for a guy to exist only to serve the needs of another, even if meeting that need is what gratifies him.
I think there needs to be a gratification in each partner that each partner can personally identify with. When you have that, you don't HAVE to ask whether you're pleasing the other person most of the time. You just know it's happening and there's a security in that.
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Yeah a woman who doesn't have any sexual desires or fantasies of her own, that would be too weird for me, the kinkier the better I say. I'm not one of those guys who are into the passive/submissive thing that some guys have a weird fetish for.
Sex from my perspective shouldn't be about dominance and submission so much as a union fromed from a diplomatic relationship, even if its a position or act that requires a dominant and submissive role, if both parties arent enjoying it a good deal it can't really qualify as "great" sex.
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I think that's where your confidence comes from. Mutual beneficiaries on the same level. Not some born-in, branded style of personality that applies in all scenarios. That's destined to fail at points. Just being cognizant of the other person's desires while not denying your own is sufficient. If you happen to be a couple who's desires don't clash, then you're better off. Just don't tailor your own identity for the sake of someone else's. That's where thinks have a huge potential of backfiring.
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Yeah, this seems like such a simple solution to the problem, it's amazing how many couples don't function this way. And those are the ones that are bound to fail.