Quote:
Originally Posted by Sljslj
Another few lines that I can't make go anywhere. UGH!!
Today is the day…
Again
But it won’t be the same…
Descend
Boy, you better believe me, I’m coming for you
And I’ll hit you a thousand times before…
You hit the floor
You don’t believe me ‘cause you haven’t a clue
Of what I’m capable, of what I’ve done
And I’m coming for you
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Sounds like you are feeling a tiny bit aggressive today, Sljslj!
I like the "you haven't a clue of what I'm capable of, of what I've done," but I felt the "hit you a thousand times" sounds too made-up, too theatrical to me. If this is a revenge song, then I recommend making it is realistic as you can, because that will make it creepier.
You say "I'm coming for you" twice, once in a verse (?) and once in the chorus (?). Have you considered just using it in one but not both of those locations, so that it sounds more ominous? When you repeat "I'm coming for you, I'm coming for you" it starts to sound to me like all talk and no action.