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Old 09-22-2010, 06:23 AM   #130 (permalink)
ThePhanastasio
Killed Laura Palmer
 
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ashland, KY
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Quote:
Shattered two-way mirror
Now I see your face, so clear
From the first of the most recent two songs, I really liked this line. It worked really well. There was a bit of stuff forced into rhyme schemes, but a lot of people are guilty of that, so that's okay. Ultimately, both were a little angst-filled for my taste, but definitely not bad at all.

And from the most recent song posted:

Quote:
Burning, on fire
This self-induced strife
I tire, I tire
This bit was pretty strong, but I mostly just really liked the "I tire, I tire" at the end of that...verse, I presume?
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