1. When you masturbate without a porn aid, what scenario do you usually end up imagining?
Me
Alone
On a goat farm
2. What is the one thing you'd actually kill someone for?
Being told how to do something by someone in a really patronising way when I already know what it is I'm doing.
3. If the numeric buttons on your keyboard were individual chances, how many buttons would you push before your luck ran out, and why?
Most of them.
Then I'd press them again harder
Then I'd start bashing them with my fists.
Then the keyboard would take a sudden trip outside the window.
4. It's the zombie apocalypse. You have a shotgun with 3 shells, 1 bag of cow brain, and your favorite song on an iPod. Knowing you may eventually be eaten by 5 approaching zombies if no actions are taken, how would you arrange it so that you are able to either escape, or listen to the song. And what song would it be if you chose that route?
My plan of escape is to look so f
ucking sharp that they are blinded by my awesomeness and triumphantly strut my way out of there with my choice of song not playing on an Ipod but blaring out of a nearby Marshall stack the size of Canary Wharf.
Track of choice - Pow To The People by The Make Up
5. What is the best original idea you can think of, right now?
Replica bosses.
In every workplace you have a room with a physically perfect stuffed replica with your bosses features where you are required by law to take 10 minutes of company time to go into this room & beat the sh
it out of your boss's replica.
6. When was the last time you thought you were special, and why?
When I asked my 2 and a bit year old nephew if I could come to his birthday party because I liked to eat sausages & ice cream like he does, and he smiled at me & said yes.