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Old 12-21-2010, 10:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
Chaplin
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 17
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no it's good. a few thoughts which are just a personal preference

"needing luck like a 4 leaf clover." rappers usually stick with those type of obvious analogies. (I'm gonna pop u like a pimple, so call me clearisil). for me that style feels cheesy and uncreative

i liked the lines

And when it all
Comes crumbling down
I'm hoping it's you
Who'll be around

i agree that touting your strong windshield is a bit of a contradiction. you're down on your luck but you're strong i guess? The end is inevitable but you're strong?

Then again at the end, bad and good discussed. all is lost but you're strong. that could be what you're going for, lot of people feel conflicting emotions. but as is, it doesn't hit the spot for either category and i'm left confused as to the statement you're trying to make here.

unless you're writing poetry though, lyrics will be made or lost by the song itself. i've seen incredible lyrics on bad songs and bad lyrics on great songs (i'm a fan of many). all u can do is make it heartfelt, and above all, finish the song. don't slave over too many details and have a giant bin of works in progress
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