megnaay

Obviously I'm new here! Writing has always been a passion of mine, along with singing, but I've always had trouble actually putting an entire song together. I'll either get a melody, lyrics, or the music (guitar) but never all 3 to compose an entire song. But I'm doing my best at making myself write every day to see what comes of anything. I'm much better at poetry.

Anyways, here's a little something I did today... To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of it. I hate songs that are so obviously about love/suffering, like this one kind of is. Makes me feel like it's been heard before, you know? But we all have to start somewhere I guess. I have a melody in mind, too, so it might be a difficult read if you can't hear it being sung. Sorry if the way it's written is confusing... Any advice would be awesome.

Untitled:

Verse 1
Take it all back, start fresh
Think it over
I'm needing luck, like a four leaf
Clover

And when it all
Comes crumbling down
I'm hoping it's you
Who'll be around

Chorus
It's always me
Against the storm
Windshield's stronger
Than ever before

Don't give up on me
Now, just wait it all out
Pull me from the flash flood
I'd do it alone if I could

Verse 2
Shine a little brighter, try hard
Never back away
Tell me twice, maybe three
That you're here to stay

And when it seems
It'll never get better
Something changes
Like a shift in weather

Chorus

Bridge
Outside it's raining
Within these walls, we're breaking
I can't force myself to see
This weaker side of me
You tell me that I'm strong
And I've known all along
It's not impossible to survive
Throw fears away and dive
In

And then I guess chorus again.


Thanks for reading if you did. I don't think it's that great, so any advice/criticism/whatever would be much appreciated.

Lisnaholic

I read your lyrics and liked the first verse, but as you say yourself, there are so many songs exploring this theme, it`s difficult to come up with a new take on it.

As it`s a song about being vulnerable, I was surprised to read that
"windscreen`s stronger than ever before", which seems to give the reverse impression.
Also, verse two seems to start with a string of instructions to your partner, which might alienate your male listeners ! Sorry, that`s a pretty facetious remark, but it might be true. Maybe you could check it out with someone you trust ?

I liked the bridge and have only just noticed the way weather imagery pops up in different parts of the song. That`s clever !

Well, thanks for sharing - I enjoyed looking at your lyrics and I hope you find a theme that you`re more comfortable with yourself.

Good luck!

Chaplin

no it's good. a few thoughts which are just a personal preference

"needing luck like a 4 leaf clover." rappers usually stick with those type of obvious analogies. (I'm gonna pop u like a pimple, so call me clearisil). for me that style feels cheesy and uncreative

i liked the lines

And when it all
Comes crumbling down
I'm hoping it's you
Who'll be around

i agree that touting your strong windshield is a bit of a contradiction. you're down on your luck but you're strong i guess? The end is inevitable but you're strong?

Then again at the end, bad and good discussed. all is lost but you're strong. that could be what you're going for, lot of people feel conflicting emotions. but as is, it doesn't hit the spot for either category and i'm left confused as to the statement you're trying to make here.

unless you're writing poetry though, lyrics will be made or lost by the song itself. i've seen incredible lyrics on bad songs and bad lyrics on great songs (i'm a fan of many). all u can do is make it heartfelt, and above all, finish the song. don't slave over too many details and have a giant bin of works in progress

megnaay

Thanks so much for your opinions... I have some new songs I'm putting together, which I'll post once they are semi-finished. I'm also in the process of getting some music together on guitar and am buying a good microphone so I can actually start recording. Anyways thanks again!! It's much appreciated