Freebase Dali

Thanks, Awwsugar, for unwittingly inspiring me to post this during our conversation regarding marriage ethics.


I want to get a general consensus on what you guys personally believe about the act of marriage and how marriage laws affect such relationships in a modern context. There are several beliefs I hold that conflict with some of the ideas behind legal marriage and the some of the rules that govern them, and especially the traditional beliefs that seem to dominate the outlook on marriage.

The first concept I want to address is:
Commitment.
While many may look at the legal joining of two adults in marriage as a token of commitment, I see it as the implementation of a penalty factor to influence any future weaknesses by either party should they begin to lose a foothold in the relationship. Granted, while the pain and monetary factors involved in terminating a marriage could be persuasive, we can safely look at statistics and reason that it's not quite the most effective method for keeping a marriage together.
While penalties may be effective in some cases, it's ultimately down to a willingness for both parties to WANT to work it out regardless of penalty. With that being the noble intention, legal penalties become a moot point in the decision. It is in this that I believe a legal commitment to be pointless in the decision for two people to commit to each other for life in the context of quality of commitment.

My question to this is; what's wrong with a personal commitment between two individuals and why is it not usually considered as strong as a legal commitment? If legality is taken out of the decision, then the only influential factor in the commitment is the personal decision, which is supposed to be the only factor to begin with.
Why can't a decision to be partnered with another person for the rest of your life be a personally binding contract, and not a legal one? Why does it need to be both?

Which brings me to my next point:
Escaping The Relationship.
Many would reason that if there were no legality involved in a marital union, either partner could simply abandon the relationship and leave the partner and the children to fend for themselves. The reasoning would continue that in order to place regulations on this, the marriage itself would have to be legally regulated. But as we all know, two unmarried people can have a child together and both are still legally responsible for that child. So that just leaves the partners themselves...

Which brings me to my next point:
Who's Responsible For Who?
Historically, women were at a huge disadvantage to men when it came to earning a living. Everyone knows that back in the day wives cooked, cleaned and took care of the kids while the husband worked for the money to support the family. In this setting, it's clear that the man is responsible both legally and morally. But in a modern context, women have come a long way and are mostly just as advantaged as men in the workplace, and in every way as far as common abilities. It is a common thing to see gender roles reversed and women making the living that supports the family. To assume that, in a modern context, the man is still undoubtedly the one who is responsible for both the children and the wife in the event of a divorce is to apply old thinking to a new situation. Yet we still have divorces happening where the woman is entitled to unwarranted support from the ex husband. The child will always be a responsibility of both parties involved, but are we adjusting to the social climate in regards to the male / female relationship in this day and age?
I think not.

In summary, I think that while our societies progress and our opportunities broaden, some of the fundamental traditions that define most of our lives are not keeping up. And although the gap between the progression of them is only one of the main factors in my stance toward marriage, I think it's worth investigating as a society. But ultimately, in regards to marriage, I think that it should be done out of love and commitment independent of this tradition that serves yesterday more than it serves today.

What are your thoughts on this?

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