What Is Your Biggest Fear?
 

Since my sister passed away, my mom, grandma and I have been caring for her 4 children. In the not-so-distant future, I will be caring for 2 elderly people and 4 children all by myself. That scares the shit out of me.

I have a few categories that I feel each need to be an answer to this question.

I don't fear death too much. I just hope I don't die from a fire of some sort. My dad is a firefighter. I've seen pictures. I've been shown these photos in order to be safer in the future with fire prevention. He also showed me the Station House fire in CT for the first time. I scope out fire exists in every new building I step in now. His handling of this is both incredibly cruel and has added a gigantic fear to my life but is also very responsible and has caused me to really be safe about these things. I check outlets and stuff a lot. I've caught two fires before they got out of control at friends houses because of this.

An immediate physical fear I have is heights. That one grew as I got older. I used to climb trees and sh*t. I can't do that anymore. I get panic attacks, albeit small, when I do touristy things like climbing bell towers and stuff. I did the Precipice Trail when I was in Acadia and it was basically an hour long anxiety attack all the way up. Looked like this...

https://www.citrusmilo.com/acadiagui...icetrail01.jpg

Finally, I've been having a lot of existential fear lately about the people I love. So I guess, right now, the biggest fear I have as I get older is losing the people that I rely on for guidance, company, and love. The fear of being alive yet alone is just something I'm not ready for even though I genuinely like being alone. As much as I am solitary, I love calling my friends or having dinner with my family. I just like to spend my free time by myself. The fear of never knowing when our time will be up is what scares me the most.

Intellectual complacency
Becoming my father
Wildfires

I’m afraid that whatever in me that snapped is irreparable. That I’m not climbing out of this hole mentally, physically, or financially.

Getting stuck in one, or the damage that it does to the planet?

They're both bad but as a far as fear goes, getting stuck in one is much more real and immediate where I live.

In yourself or others?

Yes.

Both. Got it.

I have a weird fear of deep waters. Just looking at a world map and imagining how vast and deep the dark blue areas in the large oceans are gives me the willies.