Music Banter - Official Mental Health Thread

That makes things complicated, but I don't think a confrontation would help. Also, about what hawk said: for me it's also true that cutting bad people off comes easy to me, so I'm biased because I have a hard time understanding how hard it can be. I just see a lot of people around me not cutting these people off and continuing to get hurt by them and it's awful

Lisnaholic

12-15-2019 06:31 AM

From what you've laid out here, WWWP, I'd definitely say "Listen to Marie, OH and your mum."

Quote:

Originally Posted by WWWP (Post 2095165)

... and I'm not afraid of him anymore. I'm so curious about what he has to say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WWWP (Post 2095176)

Right but so then I have to pretend it's all cool and she grows up thinking he's chill?

^ To me, these motives aren't sufficient to go against OH's common sense observation:-

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk (Post 2095169)

Once you take out the garbage it doesn’t make sense to bring it back in.

As for your niece "growing up to think he's chill", I'd try not to worry too much. Furthur down the line she'll prob pick up on the fact that he did something to p off you and your mum - and in 15 years she quite possibly won't give a damn about some alienating oldtimer anyway. It sounds like the more he is NOT invited the better, and I imagine that for you too, moving on beyond the past will lead you to a better place.

OccultHawk

12-15-2019 10:39 AM

Wolf

That’s a tough situation.

Here’s another angle. You’ve been going through a **** ton of stuff recently. That **** over there doesn’t even have to be in your world in a problematic way.

Give yourself a break. If you wanna talk to your niece or deal your father or your sister’s denial why not just wait a year or so in the mean time let yourself heal. I also predict the healthier you get the less worthwhile this will all seem. But maybe not. It just seems like a lot considering everything you’ve been through.

Lucem Ferre

12-15-2019 02:09 PM

I feel the same way about my brother. He was an abusive piece of ****ing garbage and I have to hear people praise him like he was one of Jesus's most sacred angels or something stupid.

Probably better not to speak my mind to them. But I can't hold things in and I think eventually I'll say something. My sister asked me if I missed him and I flat out told her nope. I don't have an answer on what to do, though. I've never found out how to handle these things myself.

The Batlord

12-15-2019 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk (Post 2095190)

Church. If you absolutely must then talk to him over the phone for a while first. And keep it one on one. If your sister sides with your father it makes no sense to put yourself in a situation where she might end up siding with him against you.

Exo	12-15-2019 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OccultHawk (Post 2095190)

This is some of the best advice I've seen OH dish out.

The Batlord

12-15-2019 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elphenor (Post 2095249)

I've been acting like "it's all cool" my whole adult life

but it looks like my siblings and I have made a pact to where there will never be a grandchild to explain it to so help us God

I honestly don't know how that cathartic conversation is supposed to go. Parents have too much emotional leverage over us for us to have a conversation on equal footing unless that parent is so far gone that they're basically a monster who you should just write off anyway. So any conversation is going to entail us giving them too much deference to the point that we can never truly articulate how we feel without basically screaming at them in a way that makes us sound like crazy people. I mean if they were willing to listen to reason and hear our feelings then they'd probably have just been good parents anyway.

The Batlord

12-15-2019 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elphenor (Post 2095261)

tru dat

there is some part of me that says "well you brought it on yourself anyway and why are you wasting anyone's time with this"

Yeah, and then "Look, would you have wanted to raise you? She did the best she could and meant well and you can't truly express your feelings without trampling everything she ever did for you."

jwb	12-16-2019 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WWWP (Post 2095165)

It really helps me cope to know that there are neurological explanations for where these existentially horrific thought patterns come from.

Not entirely unrelated, I have recently cut my abusive stepmother off and I purposely gave her no reason for blocking her on social media and deleting all her voicemails without listening. She sent me a text the other day offering to send me money on a prepaid Walmart debit card if I call her back.

I'm going back to WYO at the end of the month to spend some time with my wonder woman of a sister and my very brand new niece and I'm debating whether or not to confront my equally abusive father by inviting him to dinner while I'm there and just seeing what happens. Problem is my angel of a mother (who i will be traveling with) keeps telling me how she's having nightmares of running into him so I wonder if it's a dick move or not to pursue my morbid curiosity about putting him on the spot on our trip. The last thing I want to do is bring drama to my post-partum sister, but it's been 10 years now since I've seen him, and I'm not afraid of him anymore. I'm so curious about what he has to say.

WWMBD?

how much money would she send