Originally Posted by Key (Post 2061146)

I've been sleeping better over the past few weeks and that's a big thing for me as I've struggled with sleep walking and night terrors for a pretty good portion of my life. Still to this day I can say with certainty that I've seen things vividly but it comes off as crazy so I won't get fully into that right now.

I've been keeping myself busy and trying to battle with my brain when it combats my will to keep going. I try to tell myself that I don't think i'll ever get to a point of no return but I can't say it's impossible. I think what helps is that I've been able to come up with my own coping mechanisms that I know help keep those thoughts to a minimum or as much as I can anyway. The thing that has really helped a lot was taking a break from weed then starting up again. It brings me to a place where I can finally just be at peace with myself and not have to be constantly going through scenarios in my head and fighting myself. And yes, I do talk to myself in some cases because hearing this vocally helps me process what I'm going through.

The thing that's helping a lot as well is secluding myself and allowing things to process naturally. Not pushing myself out of my boundaries just to attempt at a normal social life. It doesn't work for me, and I've come to accept that. I'm much better on my own and dealing with my problems head on and working on ways to help myself. I just feel like a burden to people and it doesn't help me feel any better about myself. I'm just not a social person in my free time. I work with people daily but that's different.

Depression and anxiety are two topics that I wish were spoken even just a bit more openly than it is now. And people are very open about it now, I'm not saying they're not. I'm not afraid to admit that I've been dealing with both for a pretty good portion of my life. It really started to hit once I turned 22 or 23 if I remember correctly. And I feel like it's made me stronger as a person because of the things that I believe to be true, whether other people believe it or not. But, having a good job and a place to go every day and night is certainly helping. I'm not home for about 12 hours every day during the week, and me loving to be outside, it's a true gift that I have the situation that I have now when it comes to work. That's why I'm so passionate about my job. It's the whole experience that I get to put myself through every day that helps me take one step further from my own dark space. It's a day to day process that I'm certainly ok with dealing with. I accepted that a long time ago. But some days are very very hard and I've had plenty of those recently. Days where I just don't even bother getting out of bed, or letting things just pile up before they get a bit too out of control. But I always fix everything back to the way it was before.

So yeah.

Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre (Post 2061153)

That's good to hear. I thought about trying weed for anxiety since I'll never be able to get actual medication. I don't want to smoke it though. I know a guy who makes edibles.

Originally Posted by Key (Post 2061151)

I used to write

Originally Posted by elphenor (Post 2061158)

imagine if half the posters on here channeled inane bitch posting into something worth while

at the least, I might even have finished my Fall journal

Originally Posted by WWWP (Post 2061128)

it was the anniversary of my failed suicide attempt earlier this week so this time of year is always kind of fucked for me anyway

but yeah it's that deep dark existential big Sad

Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre (Post 2061160)

Ki makes music, I make music and WWWP makes music.

Originally Posted by occulthawk (Post 2061163)

i’m so ****ing glad you failed.

Originally Posted by OccultHawk (Post 2061169)

Key

I want you to know, in case something happens at work, that you have fantastic value as a human being outside of your job. You’re a brilliant musician and that’s the biggest compliment possible from my music obsessed brain.

Originally Posted by OccultHawk (Post 2061169)

Key

I want you to know, in case something happens at work, that you have fantastic value as a human being outside of your job. You’re a brilliant musician and that’s the biggest compliment possible from my music obsessed brain.