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Old 04-26-2021, 07:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Hilarious History

Look, since I've been researching history I have come across some stuff that is just too funny not to share with those who may - for reasons which will never be clear to me and for which I will hunt them to the ends of the earth - not read my journals. Feel free to add your own. Or just, you know, **** off.

From the Battle of Aughrim, 1691 (and my History of Ireland journal)

Seeking to bring an end to the three-year war, and establish once and for all the dominion of King William and smash Catholic power forever in Ireland- and, more importantly to him, deny the French a base from which to launch attacks both at England and Holland - Godert de Ginkel, William’s commanding officer in Ireland, defeated the French Charles Chalmot de Saint-Ruhe, in charge of the Irish forces, at Athlone and pushed him back towards Limerick. At Aughrim in County Galway Saint-Ruhe decided to make his stand.

The Frenchman used the terrain very much to his advantage, placing his armies where they were protected by bogs on either side, woodland and hills, all of which helped the Jacobites to make significant gains in the battle, as the Williamites struggled in waist-deep water and got stuck - and many drowned - in the bogs. Rather hilariously - or is it tragically? No, definitely hilariously - the Jacobite defence collapsed as Saint-Ruhe, overjoyed by the seeming route of the Williamites, charged across the battlefield roaring “They are running! We will chase them back to the gates of Dublin!” and promptly had his head knocked off by a cannonball! Ah, the whims and chances of war, eh?

With their commander no longer possessing a head, the demoralised Irish were soon defeated though Sarsfield tried to engage in a rearguard action. Pushed by the Williamites up the hill of Killcommandan, the Irish infantry were slaughtered in their thousands, stark evidence of how the loss of a commander can turn the tide of battle quickly.


Then there's this

From the the Scottish Wars of Independence, same journal.

Edward the Bruce has his followers face the English (in Ireland). Eddie is camped up in the mountains, claiming the high ground and the English can't get near them. Archers sent by King Edward III are massacred by Scottish cavalry.

So what does he do?

He send emissaries up the mountain to ask if the Scots wouldn't rather come down and face them on the plain, make it, literally, a level playing field? Ne more sporting, chaps, don't you know? Rather obviously, the Scots tell him where to stick it. Later that night they creep down the mountain and into Edward's camp and...

...cut the guy ropes on his tent, making it collapse and making the young king probably **** himself! Then they **** off back up the mountain.

The English, now certain an attack is due in the night, stay all night in their armour, but no attack comes. Under cover of darkness Bruce's men have negotiated bogs thought impassable by the English and ****ed off over the border back to Scotland, leaving Edward to head back home, dejected, demoralised, humiliated and surely in need of a new pair of armoured trousers!

God I love history!
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Old 04-26-2021, 09:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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"SMOKE CRACK MUDA****KKA"

I'll check that dictionary, but in the meantime I'm impressed - as is everyone else in the world - by your eloquence, obvious accomplishments and success, and the evidence of your blazingly high intelligence.
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