Hey bad joke time
 

what happens when you ask a hooker for a boxing match?.........you get repeated low blows....:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

its bad i know:shycouch:

what did the ocean say to the beach?

nothing it just waved

so a priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar
except the bar is my 8th birthday party
and there's no rabbi
and there's no monk
and the priest is molesting me.


also, the priest is my father
and he's not a priest.

Why are pirates pirates?

Because they arrrrr

haha ive heard that somewhere...
someone on youtube had a video with that joke in it
made me feel a tad bit uncomfortable

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
That 8 yr old in my basement.

How do you know when you sister is having her period?
Your dads penis tastes funny!

Have I gone too far?

theres a mexican and a black guy in a car, who's driving?










the police officer.

When is a Pixie not a Pixie?

When he's up another Pixies dress and he's a goblin.
:laughing:


Ok, a seedy old man is parked outside the primary school, Johnny walks out and the man says, "Hey kid, I'll give you a mars bar if you come in my car"
and Johnny replies, "Give me the whole packet mister and I'll *** in your fucking mouth!"
:D



What cries while covered in urine?

Crowquill in the mod lounge!
:rofl:

Sorry, I had to add that one.

A man walks into a bar with a fish under his arm.
The man asks ''do you sell fishcakes?".
The barman replies "no".
Man replies "its a shame, its his birthday"
:rolleyes:

CHILD:Mommy mommy I hate daddy's gut's, MOTHER : Just eat the cabbage then honey.

Here's a couple I got as phone text that made me laugh out loud;

With recent divorce proceedings and the increased negative media attention, Heather Mills was described by analysts as being unstable.
Paul McCartney said, "a couple of beer mats usually does the trick!".

An elderly couple are attending Sunday church, when half way through the sermon the old lady whispers to her husband, "I think I've just done a silent but deadly fart...what should I do?"
The old man replies, "Buy some new batteries for that fuckin' hearing aid!"

How do you punish Helen Keller for bad behavior?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None.
Let the women cook in the dark.

ok, this one was on a laffy taffy i ate the other day...
What do a racoon and a tv have in common?

A lot.


-that was the answer, really. kudos to whoever wrote that in and actually got it on the wrapper. can anyone come up with an explaination?

is this supposed to be me?


okay so,
a couple goes in to see a priest about getting married
and the groom asks the priest
"is it okay to have sex before marriage?"
and the priest responds
"as long as it doesn't delay the ceremony".

How do you fix a woman's watch?









You don't, there's a clock on the oven.

Why cant Helen Keller drive?

Cause she's a woman.


What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing because you already told her twice.


Wanna hear a good joke?

Women's Rights.

Why did God create woman?

To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

A breakcore guitarist and a fan after a concert;

Fan- Wow, you are so amazing, man!
Guitarist- Yeah, I'm so brootal. I love playing and all that good stuff. Man, feel this (holds out his index finger)
Fan- Wow, man. It's all blistered and calloused and stuff.
Guitarist- yea, all from my extreme playing.
Fan- Wait why aren't your other fingers just as rough?
Guitarist- Why would they be?

My wife asked me if we could go somwhere she's never been before for our anniversary. I replied, "why dont you try the kitchen".

lol "breakcore guitarist"

^
^
^
^
That's the best joke so far!:rofl:

Man with no arms enters a national masturbation competition.

Poor sod didn't come anywhere.

what do you call 10,000 blacks at the bottom of the ocean?




a good start.





a cadillac with 4 black people inside goes off a cliff,
what's the sad part of this story?


a cadillac seats 5.

What's faster then a speeding bullet?

A Jew with a coupon.


A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?

The blonde, because she's 18.


How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.


What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

You know she'll swallow.

I guy runs into a bar




























ow...

An Irishman walks past a bar...

^ the outcome is.....drunks?

two guys walk into a bar

you'd think the second guy would duck






(copyright of awesome joke book)

There is a little girl called Petal
One day she asks her mom "Why was i called Petal?"
Her mom replies "When you were born, a flower petal fell on your head so i called you Petal"
Then her brother Fridge runs into the room and says "Blaaaagghmmmmmd"

Bought a teddy for a fiver the other day, called it Mohammed and sold it for a tenner, question is...

... have i made a prophet?

heres one.

.what do batteries run on?

whats worse than finding dads condoms....

finding grampas viagra

Whats red and sits in the corner crying all day??


A peeled baby :D

Every day a half blind, one legged African child has to travel 8 miles to school on a broken bycicle. For just a small donation of £2 a month, we'll send you the video cause its legend.

What kind of Bees make milk?

Boobies!

What do you call a black guy on the moon?
A problem.

What do you call two black guys on the moon?
An even bigger problem.

What do you call all the black people on the moon?
Problem solved.

why did the chicken cross the road?

who the **** knows!

Harr harr harrrr...