Why America Is Better than All Your ****hole Countries
 

With the success of my anti-football thread I figured I'd keep the ball rolling with another one that deals with the important issues of our time. Namely, just how much America rules. It can pretty much be summed up with three pictures:


http://img1.basementsite.com/uploads...andmore013.jpg


http://cdn.americansongwriter.com/wp...toby_keith.jpg


http://www.3dnews.ru/assets/external...20Hellfire.jpg


'Nuff said. But I'm sure some of you jealous turds will be arguing and bitching so I'll deal with you one at a time and tell you why the place you've probably lived all of your life is a piece of utter ass.




Europe: "But we have free healthcare!" Please. If there's one thing that Angela Merkel has proven over the last few years it's that all Europe is good for is being Germany's bitch. And we've made Germany our bitch twice in the last century so we still win. Not to mention when we got bored with dropping bombs on them we started dropping food just to mess with their heads. And we called it "humanitarian aid" to protect them from the Soviets!


http://distilledmagazine.com/wp-cont...h8-23-07-1.jpg




China: Beijing is being slowly engulfed by the Gobi Desert. If your capital city is being slowly engulfed by a desert then you are officially a country full of losers. Next!




Russia: Alright, I'll give it up to Russia. They let their people starve just so they could buy tanks and nukes, which is pretty badass. But we still handed them their asses in the end so we'll be taking all their vodka and hot chicks with curiously erotic man voices.




Africa: Dude, do they even have countries or just "No Lions Allowed" zones? Oh and speaking of the blacks, slavery was obviously a terrible, terrible thing, but how have we paid for two hundred years of slavery and another hundred of segregation and Jim Crow? By winning the Olympics.




Mexico, Central, and South America: These people know what's up. Even they'd rather live here than their own shitty countries. Less spiders.




India: The most well-known person from India is famous for being hungry. At least Martin Luther King got some exercise. That dude walked his ass off. Wouldn't even ride the bus.

And is being hungry in India really all that special anyway?




Australia: Those dumbasses are too busy getting punched in the face by kangaroos to notice they're in the ass end of nowhere. If you're a first-world country whose nearest neighbor is Antarctica then you should kill yourselves. You might as well just give it up and start a bloody civil war to finally get some international news coverage. You know, bomb a few cities into the stone age (I mean who really gives a flying fuck about Melbourne, Australia anyway?), stage a bloody coup and kill...whoever is the Prime Minister/President/Supreme Dictator for Life of Australia, and maybe even do a little ethnic cleansing for good measure. It's not like you people ever liked the Aborigines in the first place.




The Middle East: What the fuck is up with the Middle East? Every time I see any news coverage from one of those shitheap countries I always imagine it smelling like dirt, BO, and shattered dreams.




Afghanistan: Whether or not you're winning the war you still have to live in Afghanistan. Check and mate.




Vietnam: Alright so you won a war and killed sixty-thousand of us. That's legitimately impressive. But we killed, like what, over a million of you? So feel free to gloat while you're wondering why nobody showed up for Poker Night.




North Korea: They're sort of like that mean dog that nobody likes that's always trying to bite people so China has to keep it in the house but he doesn't really like the dog either so he's emotionally distant when it comes up to get a pat on the head so you feel sorry for it but then it tries to nuke Japan so you kick it.




Canada: The day you stop giving us maple syrup is the day the bombs start dropping.




Alaska: Alright so technically it's part of the US, but it just looks like Canada's taking a shit. I say we give it to them in exchange for Quebec. Not that we want Quebec but I need to punch some Frenchies in the mouth every now and again.




If I've forgotten your country it's probably cause it's not even worth mentioning.

U mad?

Canada is the master country bitch
http://experimentalcereal.files.word...offeecrisp.jpg

I go to Vancouver from time to time, I love that town but dang is it expensive there

Why people think Americans are stupid - YouTube

:laughing:

Let's combine the two threads.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KeG_i8CWE8

We're all one. Hate me for saying it, I don't care. ;)

Fuck that shit. It's all about Mars bars for me. Apparently they don't sell Mars bars in the US which is A DAMN SHAME.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/...s_1415709c.jpg

Batlord I have watched you grow since Jan 2011 here. Slowly you have culminated the posting know-how to become a great. This thread is a new beginning for you. Truly a brilliant and honorable effort and hopefully the start of a new Bat-era.

Long Live America.

I thought it was a meh post but to each his own. America definitely rules though.

He expertly trolls the forum while offline. A true American hero.

Also:

This has to be scripted...

Or they just edited out all the people who knew the answers.



Seriously that can't be real.

They weren't that great and apparently others thought so as well. They just weren't selling much. You can still get deep fried Mars bars at those county fairs though.

one of the best posts ive seen on this forum by a large margin. i agree toby keith is a staple in american culture. i worship him and spit on every mexican i see in his honor.

laughed readin thru all the country by country descriptions. all spot on and accurate. great stuff. i will help explain why america rules later as well

Thread of the year, Batlord!

You, sir, are a great American!

And for anyone who doesn't think America roolz...

http://i1058.photobucket.com/albums/...r/435a4c83.jpg

Yeah top thread, lol'd all the way through.


ffs :D

You couldn't make it up.

Mars bars are English btw, but they are also popular in Scotland where they deep fry & batter them.

asia/europe/canada = plebes

feel the force


USA USA USA!!!


Moderator cut: image removed

Mitt Romney - Who Let the Dogs Out? - YouTube

Americans >>>>>

:D

I agree. Batlord is now king of the Mega-Trolls! :bowdown:

That said....

America is a mongrel country. If it wasn't for all us Europeans there'd be nobody in the US of A, apart from the Native Americans. So unless you have NA blood in ya don't cry to me about Europeans! Europeans BUILT America. Boston has something like the highest percentage of Irish outside of the home country, and we Irish built your ****ing railroad, so without us you'd still be crossing the wide American plains in frigging horsecarts!

Also, we tricked you into supporting our little "Civil war" in the North. Ever hear of a thing called Noraid? No, not Norad, dumbass! Noraid! Aid to the IRA from American interests. Hah! Gotcha!

Finally, if anyone are descendants of true Metalheads it's us Irish. We were settled --- conquered, if you will --- by the Vikings, and there's nobody more, ahem, bitchin than the Vikings!

Ireland rules!
Moderator cut: image removed
(Hell, you know what? I went looking for pictures of the Irish flag to post but somehow this came up, and I thought sure I'd much rather post that!) :D

Yes, just take a gander at these hardworking Irish railworkers:

http://apa.si.edu/ongoldmountain/gal...RAILROA_12.jpg

Poll needs "anal beads"

Lawl I added it in before I even saw your post.

New Zealand is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. And it has me in it which gives us a lot more points. Plus Australia is our cuzzies bro!

^^ Yeah, New Zealand is really beautiful! Australia has nothing much in the middle except desert but the coastline is wonderful as are the people :thumb:

Remember when americans dont even eat poutine lol ya keep pretending you arent livin the shyt life

Say what you want about the food, but judging from the picture at least two McDee's patrons manage to squeeze in some exercise before they threw caution to the wind and squeezed into the pie hole a Coke, Big Mac and super-size fries.

Only in America.

http://global3.memecdn.com/only-in-america_o_621864.jpg

^ And this is Gerber's idea of cereal box prize... only in America.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...vL._SY300_.jpg

When was the last time you went to Mickey D's the 90s? They haven't super sized stuff in ages!

Also missed opportunity Batlord to mention how Australia was a prison country and to rag on New Zealand for their love of sheep ****ing. I guess you love LOTR too much to spill ill of the country.

Nerd!

Specifically 2004 when this movie came out

supersize me was a big eye opener for me. now i know eating large fast food meals constantly is unhealthy. thanks morgan spurlock.

2004 is considered the 90's... only in America.

Specifically two months before that sham of a movie came out

The last time I ate Mc Donalds' food was two years ago, and I got sick from it. http://i660.photobucket.com/albums/u...h_kotz_015.gif

Hey! We have plenty of hardworking Chinese here in Ireland! Just ask Father Ted...


Also, please don't insult the Irish railroad workers. My great-grandfather worked on the Southern Pacific, and was killed when he lay down to rest for a moment and an overzealous workmate hammered a railroad spike into his head!

Course, people were tougher back then. He was jitterbuggin' that very night! :laughing:

exactly....so much time spent drinking when do Irish people have any time to actually do any work.

:nono:

Ders mar ta Oirlund, den dis.

The McDonald's here have supersize options. I guess since they've already succeeded in fattening up the US, they've now moved on to the global population.

Pah! You call that drinking?? Some of those people are conscious, for god's sake! Need more beer.

Seriously though, you people wanna stop raggin' on t'Irish bout ... bout .. bout our dependen --- depensen -- depundan --- relying on ackyhol. 'Snot fair ... we're no' a nation a drunks ... Slander ... I tell you now NOBODY --- an' I mean nobody is goin' t' slag off my country while --- wha? Your round I think. Yeah. Def'nitly yours. Got t' last one, 'member? Right. Mine's a double. Ta. Now where wuss I? Oh yeah, Ireland! Greatest country in the --- wha? Y'know, I never tol' ya this 'fore but (sob) ye're me best friend in all the worl'. yes, yes y'are. No, not the drink talking. No, mean it! I do! You wanna fight about it, ye bastard? Right! I'll knock ye flat! Just lemme get me coat off zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

We have your beloved black metal. Is that why you won't mention us, batty? Hmmm? :rolleyes:

Canada is probably the only country in the world with those options still. They took them away from UK locations as well.

i really dont even remember super sized options. still go to mcdonalds like once every 2 months or so and gorge myself on the dollar menu. mcdoubles for dayyyyys


america has the best sports and entertainment of anywhere therefore we pretty much rule. sorry plebes!!!!