When you have a vagina where your penis once was, then you have crossed the line from man to woman.

Ever had a pregnancy scare?

Yes, back when my wife and I were first dating (early 1980). We took the test and it came up positive. Got the money, drove to Boston, and she gets called in for the procedure only to be told that she wasn't pregnant after all.

We spent the money on a decadent lunch at the top of the Prudential Tower instead.

Where do The Stones rate in the Greatest of All Time poll?

Below Martin Luther King Jr, but above Ted Bundy.

Would you rather live without a cellphone or without a computer?

Cellphone.

I hate phone calls. I only like texting people when I'm plastered at 3am and need to tell people how much I love and/or hate them. Or if I just haven't talked to someone in a while and wanna catch up. I could live without a computer easily too but cellphones? I have one mainly out of necessity.


Favorite song by your favorite band?

also:

The correct answer is there's no such thing.

I don't have any.

Quick, I need something like The Stranger by Billy Joel.

Quick! Something that sounds like the musical equivalent of a shart!

Diarrhea or constipation?

Diarrhea.

Would you rather eat soylent green or professional cooked poop?

Soylent Green.

I'm not opposed to cannibalism as long as we eat only the stupid people.





Worst coworker you ever had?

Some dude that was a legit manager, and was drunk all the time. He came in so drunk one time he fell into the case, they fired him, and then he went down the street, drank more, and passed out on the bench in front of the laundromat. That dude was just pathetic, and miserable, always complained about doing anything, couldn't even clean his own damn department.

The most you felt you were alive?