Write a Biography of the Person Above You
 

Write a fictional biography of the person who posted last. Can be as long or as short as you want it. Funny is encouraged, mock cruelty is admirable, outlandishness is what's up, but if you want to be a pussy and say something actually nice, then, I guess that's okay too.

Come at me bros and broettes.

The Batlord is a asshole, all his life, he has been an asshole. He knows not the things he does, wait yes he does nevermind. Is there really anymore to say besides the fact that he is an asshole. Wait yes a funny asshole.
At a young age his assholery swelled up and was taken to a hospital where he was found to have an lack of nice in his body, something that the doctors believed was nothing that could be fixed. All throughout his teenage years he spread his sarcasm and asshat personality on everyone he met making many an enemy. This brings us to his adult life where The Batlord has isolated himself spreading his personality over the Internet infecting those he meets with his asholeish behaviour.

Can it be an epitaph instead?

Here lies triple W P. Forever shall she sail across the sea. In her boat made from one huge tree. Long shall she live, R.I.P.

Plankton, born some time in the previous millennia, is a diminutive sea creature who enjoys stealing burger recipes. He's also a real guitar god, and if he doesn't win Virtuoso of the Year, I'm going to eat cheesecake because cheesecake is delicious. If he does win, I'm still going to eat cheesecake.

Dammit I was skipped :laughing:

Oft overlooked, but never forgotten. Such is the way of the Machine.

Oriphiel: The man who found the only wrong way to eat a Reese's.

LiL:

Actually is from the 60s/70s. She just had the misfortune of bedding the wrong crazy scientist glamrock star turned physics major, was transported through time and space to where she lives now, and has no recollection of the event because that's just the nature of time travel. Once in a while, in dreams, she relives her glorious past and continues to do so when awake vicariously through groovy vinyl collections and substance abuse. It makes her sad that she's not with her true kin but her company's more than glad to have her around.

WhateverDude was born in a cross-fire hurricane. At age five, he tasted alcohol for the first time. At age six, he first began to experiment with drugs. At age seven, he first began to experiment with vegetables. He never looked back.

Pet_Sounds was born at a very young age.

Came into this world with a sideways avatar and left it slightly crooked

WhateverDude has drank so much in one night that he became sober by the time he was done.

Little did Machine know he was really John Belushi 's son from an arranged marriage.

RoxyRollah:

Born to a Rollerskating mother who worked at the famous Roxy club, Roxy Rollah was a peculiar child. For most of her youth, her only friends were aliens. Actual aliens. From another fucjking planet, man. They were decent enough, one might say. They had their quirks but didn't exactly conform to the stereotype of abducting people and giving them anal probes or having plans to destroy/dominate the planet of Earth.

As she grew older she became alienated from her company and ventured out. Shielded from the lives of non-alien peoples, she found it hard to adjust. Further complicating things, her youth with the aliens gives her an unusual accent, exacerbated by strange, foreign matter unknown to those unlearned. Though at times difficult to decipher her words are always chosen carefully and genuinely and are unquestionably worthy of attention without scrutiny. That said, mock her delivery and she'll gracefully take out her weave and primaly use that weave to slap the bitch off your face.

An alien among aliens, an alien among supposedly not-aliens. But she's tough as fvck and didn't really give no shits. Being raised by aliens from outer space, she knew and felt things other people didn't. She gave her heart to those who needed it while simultaneously enjoying herself where ever and however she could. Perhaps to excess? No one knows, really. Actually, what does excess really mean, anyways? I mean who the **** are you to say what is and isn't excessive, man? Right. There's some gray areas. To be honest I didn't start this biography very well informed or prepared. Um. The weed kinda wore off after the bit about the aliens so now I'm tryna figure out how to keep this entertaining.

Well there's a guy. And him and Roxy are real cool and down with each other or something. So that's happening. Roxy's super foxy so she's got all these other guys all up on her **** though. She handles it well. There's some other person who's kinda weird and lives really far away from her and has made an ass of themselves multiple times via calling and leaving bizarre and nonsensical messages. But they're tight like bloodbros anyways.

Oh right. So Roxy's being like a total badass now. She's like a boss n ****. The present tense, man. Not only that, though. There's that future tense. Rumors circulate that Roxy is training to be a Superhero. Or is a Superhero. The details and exactitude are unknown, she is something of a mystery.




Guys I'm done I'm trying too hard and have no idea what's going on ill come back to this if anyon thinks its funny there's more weed in bureau but it's over on the other side of the room and I can't feel my legs

facepalm* I was totally kidding. :laughing: I love you bro. I would change my sig, but I think this is too long.

kept me occupied for a minute
or twenty
time is kind of a relative concept right now I'm not really sure what's going on. I keep thinking nahdude you're done it's off, just go to sleep. Then I try to move and it's like NOPE.

Do an abridged version

Also @Roxy one time Roxy got into an epic fight with mordwyr then he said bye.

That fight was Biblical, get it right. BYE

I'm not religious, how dare you throw a word like biblical onto me I feel offended. BYE.

You all have kept me up past my bed time. Bye.

I'm an insomniac you have yet again offended me as I am very sensitive to this condition. Bye.

I am a stoner and you keep trying to use my bud fer your "medical conditon". I don't like theives. Bye.

I'm a straightedge how dare you say I smoke pot. Bye.

I don't have any medical conditions can I have some?

Bye.

You shouldn't have told them... now I got skipped.

Briks got skipped, then someone wasted his bio telling him that he was skipped.

The king of Neuromancers.

Oriphiel was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. There is doubt, however, about whether he is male or female. In the end, she decided to be both and spends his life cruising along the banks of the River Styx by motorcycle, blaring underground garage rock from a transistor radio. Being both male and female, it's easy for her to find other ghosts to hook up with.

Heh, that just reminds me of the Muppet's Christmas Carol.

Pet Sounds is a young lad who aspires to unite the world via the power of keyboard and piano solos. Deciding to form a crime-fighting team of super heroes, he teams up with a ten foot tall android modeled after Billy Joel, the resurrected Wilson brothers who are on a quest to stop evil corporations from polluting the oceans, and Mr. T, reprising the role he had in the A-Team.

Completely and utterly terrifying.

Because the line "Oriphiel was dead to begin with"/"The Marleys were dead to begin with" from A Christmas Carol... Ah, nevermind. You're too young to get it.

I just dislike the Muppets and don't seek them out.

One day a trollwoman took a really big ****. Then she cast a spell on the **** and it started to take the shape of a young human child. That child grew up. But not too much, just barely enough to be regarded as generally distasteful. But not in a Charles Manson kinda way though so s'all good under the hood. So turdboy became turdman and now turdman is like on the computer or working at some dead end job or masturbating or some ****. Who cares.

Eh, that's not so bad. **** is the fertilizer of life, after all. Whether on the computer, or at a dead end job, or, uh... screwing in a lightbulb... it's all good, because i'm just happy to be here. After all, all of existence is just so much dust, so enjoy it before it blows away.

https://38.media.tumblr.com/47e8749a...wio8o1_500.gif

you are a terrible, terrible man who had a terrible childhood.

as for Oriphiel:

There once was a bird who got into a discarded bag of tacos. He then found a car that had just gone through the car wash - the mirrors were sparkling. He felt it was the perfect place to check his hair and tail feather. He had a seat on a narrow part of the car's door. That's when he felt a distinct rumbling in his birdy-stomach.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/...26_964x627.jpg

A few minutes later, as he was still checking himself out, our hero appeared.

Oriphiel.

He fell in love with the bird, who soon began to call him Ori.

The bird taught him how to shit anywhere he wanted to and they lived happily ever after.

Every time the hair that clogs the shower drain finds it's mate a LiL is born.

Scrooge had often heard it said that DwnWthVwls had no vowels, but he had never believed it until now.

He was a pretty young woman with a pretty young woman's taste in music. Sadly, one day he discovered cocaine at the age of thirty, and couldn't deal with the fact that he'd squandered all those years that would have been acceptable for him to practice a drug habit. The next two years were a blur of twitching and self loathing, until the day that he was discovered with his head stuffed down a toilet.

I had no idea this was about me at first, then about halfway through the second sentence I grew suspicious.

Muppets are creepy as ****. They seem just real enough to feel like actual beings, but there is an unsettling, sinister quality to them, since you know they're not. And the Swedish Chef is just Satan. Never liked Sesame Street either. Or Fraggle Rock. Or Barney. **** Barney.