Damn you, Pet_Sounds

Eil

I **** myself in public once.
I've never had a girlfriend.
I masturbated four times in one day.

If this isn't a lie then I question why you think this would be an impressive one. n00b.

I'm sure you've had romantic partners but it might not have been a "girlfriend" so I'll say this is the lie.

Maybe he's only masturbated 0-3 or 5+ times a day.

Yes, Frown is correct.

Less impressive, more sad..

So you never tested yourself to see how many times you could do it in one day?

I got my driver's licence when I was 18 and then didn't actually drive until I was 28.

I was once forcibly removed from a public jam session because I was drunk and just kept screeching with my saxophone, an instrument I don't really know how to play.

I once masturbated 30+ times in a row.

30+ is a lie.

No.

How can you even consider yourself a sexual deviant?

By actually having sex?

I don't.. I think that's what you label me. I'm just a regular dude that likes taboo sex stuff and girls with daddy issues (apparently).

Ok i've got 3 more:

-Once when I was camping at Mt. Rainier, my dad took me and my younger brother for a hike, and we hiked along the side of the cliff with the water rushing below us. I nearly slipped and fell in the water.

-I've gone to Canada 2 times in my entire life.

-I once told an old lady at a corner shop in Monterey that her hair looked nice, and she gave me her number and told me to call her later. She was in her late 60's.

It's true though. Teenage me was an insatiable wanker.

Canada is a lie.

I don't believe you..

Wrong DWV.

This peep show reference is a lie.

Never seen the show, but you got me.
Thought it'd sound plausible. I really do like to screech with my sax I don't really know how to play after all.

Not exactly un-devianty.

Linda once went to a strip club with me.
Linda bought me a lap dance and then watched.
Years ago Linda use to enjoy watching me make out with her BFF.

Makeout sesh is a lie. If it was true you'd have already told us stories about 2 chicks at the same time, but all you ever mentioned were orgies.

Yeah.. o well, it's not deviant behavior within my social circle. I was talking to my friend in the hall last night about blood play/bondage/etc and we had to start whispering when people walked by. Ya'll are some judgmental prudes.

Well, you know what to do. Genuinely the funniest show in history.

Bookmarked.

Blood play? Are you a serial killer or something?

Not that I'm aware of, but I do enjoy making you all awkward.

Prude.

Too inane of a story. Lie.

I'll go with this one as the lie. The lap dance was probably not in a strip club and only included to throw us off.

Wrong, Frown.

.

Wrong, Frown. (I think I've been forgotten here.)

#3 is a lie.

#2 is a lie.

This is cute. Did you call her?

Correct pet sounds and no I didn't MLM.

Wrong.

Marxism-Leninism-Maoism?

The first time I got stung by a bee I almost died.

I have a weird bladder condition where I have to self-catheterize twice a day.

When I was living in Japan I used to get into nightclubs for free by pretending I was from Whitesnake.

#3 for the win.

I'm hoping it's #2. #3 is a stretch, but specific enough that I want it to be true.

Both wrong. I've had plenty of bee stings when I was a kid and it never really fazed me. When I was 19 I spent a year in Japan. My housemate (a guy from San Francisco) and I both had really long wavy hair. Whitesnake were big at the time (it was '89) and it turned out to be an effective scam, worked about 4 times.

- I have a boycott against James Cameron's The Titanic and have since the day it was released.
- I always used to get a happy feeling from watching morning and/or midday cartoons.
- I remember being excited one time to show my dad some music in an RPG, but upon hearing it, he dismissed it as "church music."

#3 is a lie.

And since no one has guessed mine yet, I'll repost it:

Lie?