I'm looking for rock music that has a transcendental or dreamlike quality but is edgier and more grounded in rock than, say, shoegaze. Maybe a bit melancholic.

A few start-off points:
The Wrens - Everyone Choose Sides
Sonic Youth - Schizophrenia
Reckoning-era REM
Guided by Voices - Weedking
U2 - Bad
The Walkmen - Wake Up
Talk Talk - Ascension Day
Mew - Wherever

Oh I was going to say early REM would be great for dream - like music.... anything from Murmur through to Reconstruction of the Fables... after that they got into the more straight edge rock sound with political lyrics.... still great in my opinion, as I am a major fan of the band, but definitely less dream - like in quality...

Yo La Tengo and Galaxie 500 might fit your bill perfectly

anybody can make a mix tape list for having sex to?

I'm tired of the slow jazz, Dusty Springfield comps, r n b and soul I put on for it

something sexy but not too similar to the stuff I mentioned

you can't get anymore sexier than r&b and soul. so you just killed a majority of the excellent suggestions.

^^ ha ha

i find some reggae quite sexy - lovers' rock mostly - so throw some ideas along that vein

oh how about ballads? you looking for some of those?

they're fine as long as they're not Diane Warren shit or Bon Jovi power ballads

Heard of Killola? Alternative rock..?

Lisa Rieffel - their vocalist is super hot! :P and super talented.. she has done sit coms like The King of Queens.. NO I DIDN't watch it.. but just heard about it.. lol

Been digging their stuff lately ..

I would love to be exposed to more bands similar to Four Tet, Caribou, James Blake... sorta ambient-electro. I love the incorporation of voice (ie dubstep) but more reserved and mellow. Electronic that you don't dance to.