You pay double for your ice cream if you lose, y'know.

Were you dressed as Jasmine? Be honest.

I'm confident in my skillz.

Nope, I was dressed as Janszoon circa 1997, which means plaid shorts were involved.

Speaking on the topic of minor inconveniences and irritants that I allow to completely disrupt the flow of my daily life, I do not much care for glow in the dark items. It's all well and fine when your parents glue imaginary constellations on your roof, but an unidentified glow in the dark object in my room can paralyze me with fear. When I was five, I had a glow in the dark Halloween bucket from a fast food chain bearing a jovial jack-o-lantern grin. Unbeknownst to me at the time, after the season had passed my mother had stored it beneath my bed. I awoke late one night, bladder swollen with fluid, and tiptoed to the bathroom to relieve myself. Upon returning to my bed, I could see beneath it a sinister face glowing and grinning with malice. Frankly, I'm amazed I ever slept again.

Why are these always the threads that jump 3 pages in ten minutes?

You know what I hate? People who throw incorrectly sorted items in my recycle bins when they're sitting out on the curb. Use your own recycle bins motherfuckers.

late night + alcohol

Dayum, you don't got single stream recycling?
Your city's so poor [punchline here]

because FUCK MUSIC, THAT'S WHY.