Now I feel bad giving him an album he might actually like :/

I am not wasting my time thinking up a rec for The Batlord that he probably won't give a poop about so without a further ado...

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...8649327A485C5B

1. Untitled 5:24: None of these songs have titles, but the whole album is less than forty minutes, so that is a vast improvement over Frownland's first rec. Even if I hate this, at least it won't feel like a marathon of "Oh my god, make this end, now!" Here we go...

Random... talking, but with no music. Half a minute in, and no music, just... melancholy talking? Let's call it talking. Hints of feedback, but still mostly talking. Screaming? Breathy pain exhalations that may or may not be words?

So, like, is that a black metal album cover? Better than most BM covers, but that is still a ****ing black metal cover.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" Three minutes in, and that's the most that I've heard. Now silence. I have a feeling my ears are about to be assaulted. So, like, this is the entirety of the first track? Talking/exhalations/screaming, and hints of feedback?

Oh, that was a piano. Assuming someone was extremely timid about playing the piano, but very comfortable with arbitrary vocalizations.

Yup, that was the whole first track. Still better than WISSK.

2. Untitled 5:39: Wait a minute. The track listing on RYM says this album is less than forty minutes, but the Youtube vid is an hour and thirteen minutes long. Am I being had?

Some kind of string instrument. Not doing much, but it's an instrument that's doing something sustained.

Nothing much going on, so I'm checking my Youtube replies. Some chick named "penny maria briggs" is explaining to some ****nut who Jane Austen is (about Saints Row IV), and somebody +1'd my comment about some guy who claimed that his ringtone was Pig Destroyer's "Starbelly" (I said, "Remind me to call you at Thanksgiving"). I'm up to +10 on that comment. Score.

Was that the end of track two? Yup. Just sparse strings and Keiji talking. Seriously, Frownie? This is great? This is like, boring. Nothing is happening. WTF? You are almost as cartoonishly pretentious as Innerspace Cowboy.

Almost.

3. Untitled 3:05: Louder strings now. I'm now assuming this to be guitar. Or some kind of Japanese thing. Never can tell with these Japanese wackadoos.

Is this album really gonna be this for an hour and thirteen minutes? If so, I'm cutting this off at RYM's track list. Might as well. Twenty-five extra minutes of boredom isn't going to make me any more enlightened.

4. Untitled 2:48: Are we at track four? I think so, but who the **** can really tell. He's just playing the same sparse strings and mumbling. Was he just really tired when he recorded this? Every once in a thirty seconds he'll play a noisy riff that lasts for a second at most, but that's about it.

I think we're almost to track five, but it's really hard to tell, since Youtube doesn't give a track listing. I'm having to use math to add up the track lengths on RYM. **** math.

5. Untitled 2:37: Track five? I think so. I don't know that it matters, but the math seems to suggest so, and he kind of paused long enough that I think it changed songs. Now the strings are kind of making... bubbly noises? Close enough.

What's the point of this? I feel like I'd have to be on drugs, staring at the ceiling, and not really paying attention to the music in order to really pick up what this guy is putting down. Active listening just makes this mindlessly du- RANDOM GUITAR NOISE!!!

Alright. Something not boring.

6. Untitled 3:04: Oops. Changed songs without me noticing. The guitar noise stuff was track six. Probably.

This is really just marginally more entertaining than the boring quiet ****. I think the next "song" starts at approximately 22:30. I'll have to remember that.

Just kind of the same repeated guitar noise/feedback.

7. Untitled 2:00: Alright, if this song is two minutes long, and track six ended at 22:34, then 24:34 is the next song. I'll have to tie a string around my finger.

Alright, I'm calling this instrument whatever is the Japanese equivalent of the mandolin. An electric mandolin. Is that a thing? Kinda droney now. Dissonant and yet somehow mellow and melodic. And now it's done.

8. Untitled 4:15: Song ended at 24:40 or something, so 28:55 is what I'm waiting for. I'm not so much waiting till the end as I'm taking gratification in figuring out when one song ends and another begins. It's an academic thing. Gotta get something out of this boring, pretentious... wank? Can I call this wank? I don't know. Snooze either way.

Loudish electric mandolin thingamajigger. Of course it's droney and boring. I need heroin for this. Mushrooms would probably just give me a lame but still somehow bad trip.

Oh yeah, he's mumbling louder. I don't know how you can mumble loudly, but he is. Not loud loud, but louder than he was.

Next song yet? Nope. 'Nother minute.

9. Untitled 4:23: God damn it, I accidentally went back to 22:something or other. Now I have to go forward again. There we go. Song starts at 29:00 I think, so 33:23 is where we're aiming for. Definitely not listening to the whole vid. If thirty-eight minutes is good enough for RYM, then it's good enough for me. ****ing bonus tracks. I'm assuming.

Quiet noodling. Riveting. There's the sad mumbling again.

Seriously, Frownland, what's so great about this? Can you honestly tell me that you'd give a flying **** about this album if you weren't on hardcore drugs when you listened to it? Even John Cage would be like, "This **** is too quiet, dude."

10. Untitled 3:51: Last song (as far as I'm concerned).

Piano, or Japanese mandolin-thing? Who ****ing cares? Even Keiji Haino doesn't really sound like he gives a ****. I'm kind of waiting this out, but I guess I should mention that this song is just more sparse mandolin-thing noodling with more mumbling.

And we're done. You know what I could have been doing instead of listening this? Softly stroking the head of my penis while watching softcore pornography. It would have been infinitely more stimulating, while providing me with the exact same amount of orgasms. Frownland is a douche.

Final verdict:


http://i.imgur.com/FYgWU4o.gif/10

RYM can suck a dick, the last track (yes, around 35 minutes long) is the best track on the album. The **** kind of thread is this?

I love the record because it's such an incredibly different take on the blues that it's almost like one of Haino's friends told him about the genre and he was like "ja, I think I'll try that out" without hearing any of it first. It's entirely free from any preconceptions of what music "should" sound like. That's not to mention the insane amount of emotion that Haino bleeds into the music (at least from what I can tell anyway, it seems like emotions sound like half muttered words to you). That mandolin instrument is an oud.

Go listen to the last track or this thread is a farce.

This is awesome.
I feel like starting to record noisy, free-form stuff just to have it reviewed here.
I wont though.

You can always press record in some app that you have on your phone, go for a mile long walk, take that recording and **** with it by cutting it up, putting those pieces in different channels, throwing some reverb and echo on there, playing them at different speeds, different pitches, and toss in a bunch of effects at random points for good measure. It'll take you an hour to make an 8 hour long album, and you can call it "A Mile In My Shoes".

One track. One man. One vision.

EDIT: I almost wonder if this is the thread that will make Batlord into a weird music connoissuer. He'll be listening to more and more recs and training his ear a bit. Then he'll return to the early albums in this thread and he will give me a blowjob for exposing him to those albums.

My Laptop is so ****ty, it's impossible to make anything decent with it.
I tried as recently as yesterday. It starts lagging almost immediately.

I always thought that Batlord is secretly some kind of pretentious connoisseur
and his love for Manowar has some weird post-modernistic reasoning behind it, but he's to ashamed to admit it.

Damn. Buy some recording device then so we can make the bastard suffer.

I've also gotten that vibe too tbh, that's why I predicted he would come out of the closet as a result of this thread.

I plan on bringing my instruments here at some point,
but I'm currently a lodger in the house of the mayor of this small town and
I don't want to be driven out by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks.

Fine. I'll listen to your goddamn 35 minute suckfest.

This is exactly how I felt after listening to 99% of his music, but was too polite to say it in such raw terms. Batty, where is your altar? I must make a sacrifice! How do you like your virgins?
Thread of the Year contender!
:rofl: If only he had a boxset!

Pisscore is a great genre.

Saliva Metal is what I like to jam too personally

Must've blacked out when I wrote that last night, looks like I deleted it though.

You brought this on yourself, kiddo, don't take it out on me. If we were recommending you stuff that you probably like you'd be a WISSK and Haino fan by now.

9. Untitled 35:??: As promised, I'm finishing that long ****ing song that Frownland said was so great. **** him TBH.

Sounds like ambient, acoustic doom. Pseudo-blues (or whatever the **** Frownland said it sounded like)? Whatevs, dude. I might like this more than the rest of the album, but A.) I'm not exhausted from two hours+ of avant garde ****tery, B.) I've slept, and C.) I'm hungover and something laid back is good ATM.

There's also some kind of drumming to give the music something more to latch onto than... wait, that just ended, and it sounds like another song started. Wasn't this supposed to be one long song? I'm pretty sure I picked up where I left off, but... god I don't care.

I'm currently sitting on the toilet, with my legs propped up against the bathtub to hold my laptop, and I'm feeling like I'm about to nod off. The drums are gone, and it's "oud" noodling and mumbling again, so this might literally be a snoozefest.

And the "song" "ends" again. Whatever.

Hey! Abrasive feedback. An improvement.

Where are we? Forty-five minutes into the album? Thirty left to go? ****.

It seems to be alternating from high-end screeching feedback and low-end rumbling feedback. I say that to inform, not to imply interest. The low-end stuff might actually be farting BTW.

Ah, some Vanilla Coke to sooth the hangover body soreness. And yes, I am drinking soda on the toilet (a can on the can!). So what? I've eaten while taking a dump as well. IDGAF.

Twenty-three minutes left. Still random feedback. No mumbling.

I think he's playing notes now. I was kind of dozing, so I'm not sure when that started. Could have been playing notes the whole time and I just didn't notice. Don't really care TBH.

Pressing pause so I can get up and wipe my ass...

Just turned it back on and held my headphones up to my cat just to scare her. It worked. Pausing again...

Setting my laptop on my bed down so I can go get my Vanilla Coke...

Soda retrieved. And we're back!

I'm assuming this feedback is the extended track I was supposed to listen to, as it's not ending. Kinda becoming a bit more interesting now, but it's all relative. Fifteen minutes to go.

Why's there always so much dust built up where my keyboard meets the screen?

****. Got a hangnail.

About ten minutes left, and the feedback becomes a long, drawn out note, and now he's just playing. Interest still not engaged.

Alright, he's playing with some hella speed ATM, and it's actually kinda cool. Kinda like Eddie Van Halen finger tapping with a busted amp.

For some odd reason I feel like I just heard the "Star-Spangled Banner" being consumed by noise locusts.

Less than four minutes left. Thank Xenu. God damn hangnail.

Minute forty left. Yes.

BAM!!! Done!

Except for a few arbitrary moments of interest, I really can't say that I gave any more of a **** about that than I did the rest of the album, and if I did, I really don't care.

Final verdict:


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/hp...23898549_n.jpg/10

I was rather proud of "Crooncore"...

I'm all about the corecore.

Don't forget post-core

I wanted to make some joke about avantcore, but remembered Busdriver beat me to it.

Wait wait wait wait

Frownland called that Keiji album a blues album???

._.

What

Will you listen to my album when it's done

The stripped down element with reliance on voice and guitar makes me see it as a different take on the blues.

I'll be more than happy to trash your album. http://www.atheistnetwork2.com/image...ace_smiley.png

You won't it will be too beautiful. You'll probably cry.

You're just making him angrier.

You're supposed to send him stuff he'll hate.

I'll still try my best.

I took the route of sending something he thinks he'll hate but very well might not

this one https://troublesalad.bandcamp.com/al...sychick-salade

Yeahhh. I haven't heard it but based on what Batty experienced, blues would not have been in my mind. Still, what do I know? Oh yeah: everything! :laughing:
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/...re_228x362.jpg
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/15108135.jpg

Since I'm fairly positive that Trollheart will hate (most of) this, I'll just put it in here.

Eliane Radigue - La Trilogie De La Mort.

Have fun.

Someone give Batlord 2-3 six packs of beer for gods sake, or this thread will die.

Yeah come on Batty, not everything that's been recommended will be as bad as Frown's recs

But that's the whole point of this thread.

He asked for stuff that he "probably" hates, not "definitely" hates. Loopholes :P

I was still hungover yesterday, so I flaked.

Oh god damn it, is this really an hour and a half of overblown, concept album, prog rock that Trollheart thinks is "avant garde"? ****...


1. "The Eve of the War" 9:06: Wait, so this is being narrated by an old, British guy with a deep voice? Am I about listen to a movie-length version of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner"? Dude, I love Iron Maiden, but I think thirteen minutes is their limit.

Alright, I'm a cheesy **** who listens to Manowar's wannabe, symphonic, garbage "experiments" and still calls them epic, so when the epic violins or whatever start, I'm all ready to cut into some cheese, but then they make way for a disco beat and I'm just like, "What?" But it's kinda gettin' my booty shakin', so it's all good I guess. Just a different form of cheese.

Alright, why does everything sound like a synth? The violins sound like synths, the guitar sounds like a synth, and the synths just sound like uber-synths. Honestly, I'm not even disliking this, I'm just mocking it cause I'm two minutes in and it's already completely ludicrous. I've actually paused the music just so I can concentrate on imparting just how goofy it sounds.

That flute kinda sounds like a synth too.

No vocals apparently. Good. I don't need to hear those lyrics.

Alright, not that I particularly give a **** about how brilliantly this album will musically represent War of the Worlds, but there's about a four minute, disco-tastic section between the opening monologue, which introduces the idea of an invasion, and the next piece of narration, where the guy tells us that the Martians are actually starting their attack. Okay, so what was the disco intro (the disctro) supposed to represent? The Martian war preparations? Humanity's hubris in thinking itself the most powerful species in the universe? Denny's? I'm confused.

Well, the disco is back, accompanied by synths that would sound like B-rate, sci-fi movie lasers, regardless of the context. I'm reminded of a certain episode of Friends.

Oh god damn it, there's singing. And did it have to be cheesy-sounding harmony singing that could only ever happen on a seventies, wuss rock album? Tell me these will be few and far between. Don't even ask me about the lyrics. I'm ignoring them.

Alright, if the rest of the album has disco prog that catchy, then I can laugh at all of the cheesy nonsense in peace. I don't know if this is supposed to be the album version of a B-rate sci-fi movie, but either way, this might be just as ironically glorious. Maybe Dream Theater and SKRILLEX should collaborate for an Independence Day concept album.

2. "Horsell Common and The Heat Ray" 11:36: Oh god, they're trying to use guitars to make sound effects for the opening of a space ship. It's just as retarded as it sounds.

I feel like this is the album that someone would make if they'd heard the term "space rock", but had never actually listened to any of it. I wonder where I got that concept from? :finger:

I think the disco has crossed over into actual white boy funk, backed with B-rate sci-fi guitar playing. It's not as entertaining as the first song, but it makes up for the lack by being even goofier. And that old British guy is just elevating everything to a whole 'nother level of brilliant absurdity.

3. "The Artilleryman and The Fighting Machine" 10:36: Alright, with that faux-funk in the background, the old British guy sounds like he's talking dirty to me. Then he starts talking to some other British guy, and it feels like he's cruising during an alien invasion. Now THAT would be avant garde.

I was hoping that boring guitar solo would end quickly. It did. To make room for a boring synth solo. Then the old British bum-driller gives us a quick respite.. before more boring prog solos. Only three minutes into a ten minute song, so it's anyone's guess how much boring solos I'm going to have to endure, but this album has been light on the wank so far, so I have high hopes that they won't overpower my ability to like this, cause I actually do, even if this song isn't as good as the first two. It doesn't have the booty shakin' magnetism of the first track, and it isn't at the same level of ridiculousness as the second.

Alright, that proto-Sonic the Hedgehog midi music guitar solo is pretty sweet.

OMFG!!! I was just listening to a few seconds of a Sonic level theme just to make sure my reference made sense (Star Light Zone from the first game FYI) and this album sounds almost exactly like it! It's uncanny! I gotta play this **** for my buddy who's a Sonic fan. He'll flip his ****. Just how much prog rock sounds like old school video game music anyway? I need to know.

God damn, I need to stop pausing this album just so I can make fun of it. It's been probably at least an hour, and I'm only thirty minutes in. God damn.

4. "Forever Autumn" 7:43: Oh god damn it, more harmony singing! They're lamenting the narrator's dead family or something. There's birds flying south and disappearing and **** and it's goofy in a lame way. Bring back the old British queer. I may not always have the attention span to listen to what he's actually saying, but at least he doesn't sound like a second-rate Kansas (the band, not the state).

"Like the sun through the trees, you came to love me"? Really?

"Like a leaf on a breeze, you blew away"?

http://www.blogcdn.com/massively.joy...0/facepalm.jpg

5. "Thunder Child" 6:03: I'm gonna cut this entry off at this song, since this is a double album, and this is the end of the first record. It's already going long anyway.

More singing. Let me enjoy my midi music in peace, god damn it! If this album insists on being this ridiculous and overblown, then it at least needs Bruce Dickinson to make it work when there's singing to be done.


So, whenever there wasn't singing, I was thoroughly entertained, though I wasn't always entertained with the album. Thank god the singing wasn't that prevalent though, or else it would have ruined it. Now to listen to disc 2...

Final verdict:


http://i.imgur.com/dlj9RVl.jpg/10

1. "The Red Weed (Part 1)" 5:51: This ambient intro with the flutes, horns, and Theramin is actually pretty creepy and atmospheric. It's still B-rate sci-fi, but the song legitimately works like it's supposed to this time.

2. "The Spirit of Man" 11:45: Wait, so is some Martian plant killing people? LOL.

Maybe a prog fan could distinguish different songs on this album, but after an hour of this, they're all starting to run together. And when prog starts to run together, then it becomes background music. Still fun, but I'm starting to fade.

Who the **** are these terrible singers? I think the guy is Phil Lynott from Thin Lizzy, but he sounds cartoonishly overwrought singing over disco video game music. I don't even give a **** about finding out who the chick is.

This song is way too mellow. Cheese shouldn't try to sound heavy. It just becomes tedious. Someone get me some drugs. Oh god, they keep going on about "the spirit of man" in a way that I assume is supposed to be profound (I'm only half paying attention TBH). Stop singing, please.

3. "The Red Weed (Part 2)" 6:19: ****ing Phil Lynott is still going on, and he's talking about praying the Martians away. He's supposed to be an idiot, but he's still annoying.

Yay! The Martians killed him!

It feels like the cheesy disco prog of the first disc is being replaced by overblown prog, backed by an orchestra, and while it's more atmospheric, it's also kind of boring. I don't think this second album is going to be half as fun as the first. At least they killed Phil Lynott, though.

It's also more story-based. Most of the dialogue was the old British guy narrating, but now there are other characters, and they have scenes and dialogue, and I don't have the attention span to really pay attention to what they're saying half the time. It's the same reason why I don't listen to books on tape.

4. "Brave New World" 12:36: Oh god damn it. They kill one guy who sounds like **** singing on this album, only to replace him with another one. I don't care if this dude is famous too, cause he just sounds awful here. I guess it's an improvement over the harmony singing, but only because it's actually part of the story, and not just out of place nonsense.

It's possible I might come to appreciate this more, when I take in more of the story on subsequent listens, but the singing will remain forever lame. "All over a-GAIN!!! All over a-GAIN!!!" :finger:

Holy ****, the song totally changed without me noticing, and now it's almost over. I had to cut and paste the last two paragraphs to put them with the right song.

5. "Dead London" 8:36: Boring synths? Check. Lack of fun disco? Check. Cliched intro of desolate wind? Check. This song will clearly save this album for me. Thankfully, after this song there's just the epilogue.

Fading fast now. Waiting for this to be over. At least the other annoying singer is gone. I think he led a bunch of survivors underground to live in an isolated utopia or something. I hope there's a cave in. I don't want them to be crushed, I just hope that they have to wait for hours as their air slowly runs out.

Alright, the orchestra is just ripping off Beethoven's Symphony No. 5 now- hey, there's a fun disco beat! It's a retread from the first album, but it's still an improvement over the tediousness of the rest of this one. It's too little too late at this point, but at least I'll be able to get something else out of this before it ends.

6. "Epilogue" 4:35: Home stretch. Here we go... oh yeah, the Martians are dead now. I'm sure everybody on Earth knows it was disease that killed them, so... SPOILER ALERT!

Some actual cool drumming, but those horns are just a tad too overblown for their own good, and the synths are nothing to write home about. Maybe I'm just too fatigued to give this a fair shake, but I'm just waiting for it to end ATM.


And with a foreboding outro/intro from years in the future, implying a second Martian attack, the album ends and I am free. First disc: stupid, but fun. Second disc: stupid, but tedious. Might give it another shot one of these days, but I'm not tripping over my own feet to listen to it again.

Final verdict:


http://i.imgur.com/QNbq5RG.jpg/10

Give this one a shot.

Karizma - Document

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41V2J3MTBKL.jpg