Amen, brother.

Do they make free smooth jazz or smooth free jazz?

This jazz ain't free.

I wouldn't know if this is a joke or not, but I don't think free jazz can be that smooth unless you wing it. I mean, free jazz is too hyperactive.

That disconnect is precisely why I want to hear it.

The only Zeuhl band I know is Magma and I like them. Recommend me some others and I'll check them out.

Heck, I never said I didn't want to hear it. In fact, I'd love it if somebody could pull that off. And I might now a guy who could.

https://haydenwho.bandcamp.com/

This guy puts together really unique jazz. It's mostly avant-garde, but he has an acid/nu jazz/instrumental hip hop album with some very unique features. I'm probably overrating him, but I honeslty think he's got as close of a chance as any good jazz musician of the modern era.

No one's into zeuhl metal around here, granted it just came about a few months ago and there's only one album but it's just about everything the world needs. https://vaultsofzin.bandcamp.com/

I'm a strong advocate of acid house, 80s disco/post-disco, and semi truckloads of other general 80s and 90s techno/electronic/dance.

Soft grunge gets no appreciation around here.

Shub-Niggurath is some amazing stuff and so is Ruins (which I suspect you might have heard already knowing you).