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Old 09-29-2016, 11:39 AM   #51 (permalink)
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God you're dumb.
I'm still working on your levels. I have a ways to go, but I'll get there.
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Old 09-29-2016, 11:52 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Explosions in the Sky - The Wilderness (2016)





First up is some post-rock band I have not been actively avoiding simply because I actively avoid the genre as a whole, so individual bands don't generally receive my knee-jerk disdain (not gonna pretend that Slint isn't awesome though).


1. Wasn't expecting lame synthesizer **** starting this off, but I was still expecting lame ****, so I'm still in the right ballpark. Oh, and there are, like, guitars and **** too, but who the **** cares?

So is this a four-minute intro or is this just the album? This sounds like adult contemporary for douchey twenty-somethings. Oh wait, the lame synthesizer just got louder... still boring. And now it's quiet and still boring.

Song ends. What was the point?

2. **** me this is just what the album sounds like, isn't it? ****ING ISN'T IT?!?!?! I'm not saying I need vocals in my music, but something to distract from this tedious crapsack would be nice. Of course the singer would probably just be some vapid, effete, indie twat almost-whispering cause almost-whispering is as (faux)vulnerable as generic acoustic guitar bull****.

Why did I just go on about lame vocals while reviewing an album that doesn't seem to have any vocals of any kind? Cause it was more entertaining than listening to this boring ****. Nothing is happening that anyone with a pair of functioning testicles/brain cells would care about. It's just elevator music for the clueless.

3. I'll take my music player's word for it and assume this is the next song, but honestly who the **** can tell? And I'm not even ten minutes into this lady urine puddle of an album. ****.

Is this **** still on? I went to go make fun of people on the forum and I figured the song would be over by then. The turds are too damn long.

4. Oh good, this song sounds even more boring than all the other ones. Abso-****ing-lutely goshdarn fantabulous.

I'm honestly trying to kinda listen to this, but I'm doing other **** and this is nothing more than background muzak. I feel like I'd need to be high to trick myself into thinking this wasn't ****, but I'd never waste a good high when I could explore jazz or Brian Eno or Ufomammut instead (Ufomammut is in my spellcheck!).

Oh wait, is that a vaguely lively drum beat? I guess. Literally the best thing on this album yet and it's still pretty dull.

5. Oh ****, I'm almost halfway through this pointless garbage. I feel like I should be making more hateful remarks with unnecessarily vulgar language, but who the **** cares about trying with this ****? I hope this album blows its brains out and gets necro-****ed by an AIDS-riddled hobo while a crackwhore fingers her asshole and licks her fingers.

6. Alright, so there's like a... pulsing... beat... of... ****tiness... that's actually not as ****ty as most of the **** that's been ****ty so far. Still don't care though.

And of course it's a six-minute song. **** this ****.

Is this still the same song? Yup. **** this ****.

7. HOLY ****ING **** AN ACTUAL SHORT SONG BUT IT STILL SUCKS AND IS BORING AS ALL ****!!!

8. SEVEN ****ING MINUTES!!!











****ING END ****ING END ****ING END ****ING END ****ING END ****ING END ****ING END ****IN-

Thank you.

9. When was the last time I actually tried describing this album? Oh well, but if you ever are unfortunate enough to buy this ****-faced assturd...

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There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:09 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Six ****ing pages and not a word about how A Moon Shaped Pool sucks.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:10 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Because it's great?
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I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:10 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Six ****ing pages and not a word about how A Moon Shaped Pool sucks.
Batlord has made it known that he's a pretty big Radiohead fan in the past. I'm sure that extends to AMSP.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:11 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Batlord has made it known that he's a pretty big Radiohead fan in the past. I'm sure that extends to AMSP.
Haven't heard it yet, but I'll try to hate it.

So what Nightwish album does Ki like best? Haven't heard a Nightwish album I'd enjoy listening to for more than a couple songs, so any one will do.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:18 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Six ****ing pages and not a word about how A Moon Shaped Pool sucks.
Just did a review for my journal. Go approve it.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:20 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Apparently all I have to do to have a thread take the **** off is make one bashing Ki. Remember that, folks. Hating Ki results in hella mad dividends.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:22 PM   #59 (permalink)
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@Batlord: Do Endless River.
Wait, the Pink Floyd album? HELL ****ING YEAH I WANNA HATE ON PINK FLOYD!!!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 09-29-2016, 12:25 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Apparently all I have to do to have a thread take the **** off is make one bashing Ki. Remember that, folks. Hating Ki results in hella mad dividends.
Hating Ki is something everybody can agree on.

Spoiler for .:
inb4 Ki agrees
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