What do you think of this song? (lyrics, metal, old music)

[Tekron]

This song i wrote means so much to me, its one of my personal favorites taht i've written over the past 5 years or so ive been writing. Keep in mind that i just turned 16.

Thank you, please be honest. The name of the song is "Lost Confession".

In a lost world where I need some one else,
after a long period of denial
I want to tell you just how I felt
and I want to hold you in my arms for a while

I want your eyes to give the most hope in my life
I want you to love me and hold me close at night
I want to look at the stars and find less beauty
than the face that you make, i know what it will do to me

I'll have the smile that will cover a million miles
and I'll cry after a phase of a relaxed gaze
into the stare that broadens my horizons,
thats why I see you when I look into the sky and I,
will let you know just how I feel
and what I did to deal
was the closest thing to perfect ive ever done
I was then complete

most would spill blood,
as did I
but this blood was ink,
and I would not die.

my pen would caress the page
like your touch when were engaged
in talks of love
and the worlds below and above

and at last i will tell you what you mean to me
everything i'll probably never be
everything i seem to want from you
lies in your eyes in the form of truth.

[Thrice]

I think it is awesome! Good job. It is deep.

[Tekron]

thanks, ive been dying to hear peoples replies
kids opinions only go so far
people that are interested in lyrics have much more to say
at least in this category its more important to me
www.angelfire.com/punk4/foreverstars/lyrics.html
those are some of my hundreds and hundreds of songs
if you like them or would like to use them for your band please tell me
i can play guitar, and write lyrics decently, but i cant sing
i would love people to hear what i have to say so they can understand it

like i always say, "you can find love in the dark"...don't use your eyes!!!! GRRR
sorry, people are shallow and i hate everyone for this.

alright, to make a long story short as possible( knowing this will turn out long )

i had this huge relationship for 5 1/2 years with a girl who i was very close to
im not going to say we were in love cuz i really couldnt tell
towards the last year, i thought i loved her
we werent really "going out", but i felt so close to her
i did nearly everything with her, and i even went to dinner and stuff with her
she meant a ton to me, and i had to cut it off because she wouldnt stop hurting my feelings, and its hard to explain but besides the fact that im sensitive the things she said hurt and i almost killed myself. I told her i never want to see her face again. and i will never take taht back.

my hearts been wounded and i want to love again, so please share my work, i want this world to love for what people really offer. ( cant really tell my theories in this song, but in some of my others )

sorry, wow i type too much, i think i have ADD
if you are confused about anything i said feel free to message me on aim, im on a lot
cuz when im out i usually end up on all my friends computers,

thanks again.

[Thrice]

Awesome! Ill Im you sometime, Im heading to bed now, but I'll let you know how I like it.

[Tekron]

thanks, yah btw thrice is awesome all their cd's are really good, thier one of my fav. bands, but their new cd isnt as good as their old ones, particularly the illusion of safety. their guitars are insane tho, i love teppei. If you like them, you'll probably like Between the buried and me. BTBAM is much harder, and probably closer to Metalcore, than emo/emocore, unlike thrice. their lyrics go from amazing / really bad, but their guitars are all over the place and just crazy. please check them out.

[covle]

most would spill blood,
as did I
but this blood was ink,
and I would not die.

my pen would caress the page
like your touch when were engaged
in talks of love
and the worlds below and above


im a fan of those passages. thats cool writing. i like symbolism in writing it makes it far greater in my opinion. writing is the best way to express your feelings. as a diagnosed insomniac for a year and a half i have filled about 8 books of lyrics and stuff. nice work

[Tekron]

dude i have about 8 books too. it sucks. i cant sleep. I go to bed between 2-6 every morning, and i hate it. its not even like something is on my mind, its not something i think about ALL the time. I'm over the girl taht hurt me, but i still cant sleep. i dont even think about her THAT much, only when im writing. and when i cant sleep i write so i suppose i think about her then, but thats not keeping me up. i guess im an insomniac, about a week ago my friend brought up that he cant sleep either, and hes been extremely depressed after one of our friends did a d*ckhead-ish thing and went out with this girl hes been crushing on for a while. I mean, that was so low, i feel like beating him up myself and its not my problem. If you knew the kid and how much pain hes in right now you'de understand but its pretty rediculous what people do sometimes.

everyday i help people deal with problems like what i have. i tell them to write about it, and instead all they say is "i'll never be as good as you", and i know im alright, but im not good. Maybe for my school or something like that, but i'll never live up to people like Chris Conely. Basic, simple facts can keep you so attentive to what you're problem is, that you don't even need metaphores and other facts to support it. I throw some in there to drive your mind into directions that help explain my feelings, but....SAVES THE DAY IS AMAZING I WOULDNT BE HERE WITHOUT THEM.

edit : nice dude im aussi too, but i wasnt born or ever lived there

[covle]

your an aussie? where do you live? yeah i know what you mean. but i dont write about relationships that much. im very political-leftist you could call me, and many do. thats the same as me also. my friends always come to me and i help them out....eyy emochick? ....i have told them to write, but most the time they ask me to write with them. but that doesnt help anyone. true honest writing-good writing-is individual and comes from the heart.

[Thrice]

I like this song...You need a name for it though

When you're
right next to me
i feel my heart beat
and then never again

if i could think about your lips
kissing the only part of me
you really could reach
i'll choke on the blood flow silently

*gets heavy*

And I, would try to breathe!!!
but everything, would sink around me
and my eyes, would bleed for tears
as my eyes, become blurry

And I, would fall the hardest
fall ever, and the most modest
part of me would drain,
everything I have left

And my heart! Pushes out love
as the kiss of death
will drain my blood
will drain MY BLOOD

[Tekron]

i live in massachusetts, USA but i have australian blood. that song was hard, and it wasn't that good for me to write. it made me feel better but i don't like it very much. i dont think its good at all. I couldn't think of a name for it either. Thats a rare occurance for me.

ya @ first i wrote rap, where i wanted heavy metal/nu-metal in the backround, then i went to like sorta emo, and then back to rap sorta songs for a while, till i landed on political. i only did political music for about 2 months cuz it just wasnt my style. The songs i wrote then i realize are so horrible now. last night i couldnt sleep again, as usual and i looked through a lot of my old music books. i realized just how bad i used to be at writing songs. i dont know where i hit the imporvement. i sound like a 5 year old in some of them....granted this is like 4-5th to 7-8th grade, and then political from a few moths in grade 9. now im a junior and the past year i've felt amazing. the lyrics used to be more violent. i've mellowed out, but i can still write like that almost as well.