ChelseaDagger

If that really had been a person with zero extremities, I'd be quite the bully for challenging him to a winner-keep-cat kitty ear massage competition.

Justthefacts

My cat ear scratching is the best it's ever been, you'd lose embarrassingly.

__________________
The Best Collection You'll See Today

ChelseaDagger

Then I presume you're well aware that the inside of a cat's ear (along with the underside of his/her chin), are the top two out-of-reach spots for a cat to scratch on his/her own, and that careful steps must be taken to scratch said itchy parts without rubbing the outer fur in the wrong direction.

I'm world-renowned at these two techniques (which I have actually combined into a fusion rub called the Itchy Effleurage), and have spent the better part of thirty years honing this craft. I could have any cat I wanted... Luckily for fellow cat owners, I'm not the home-wrecking type.

The Batlord

I've found the chin-scratching/rubbing method to be far more effective than ear-rubbing, but perhaps I just put more finger strength into it than you do. Two seconds and any cat is a weak lump of putty on the ground.

__________________

ChelseaDagger

Depends on the individual cat, but yes, the chin scratch will keep the staunchest Tomcat coming back home, especially if you combine the two massage techniques simultaneously.

Edit: never challenge the finger strength of a former cosmetologist.

The Batlord

I'm also a dude, and dudes are brutish thugs who manhandle their animals with little regard to their feelings on the matter, because eventually they'll realize that we were right all along.

__________________

ChelseaDagger

You win.

grindy

I think I grew some more chest hair just from reading that.

__________________
A smell of petroleum prevails throughout.

The Batlord

That's saying something from an ethnic Slav.

__________________

grindy

I'm actually medium hairy, so there's some room for further manification.

__________________
A smell of petroleum prevails throughout.